Dancing Queen
by andalitebandit-6
Summary: Zim crossdresses to win title of Dance Queen and rule the school by popularity! Guess who's his partner? ZADR! COMPLETE!
1. PLEASE PLEASE BE MY DANCE PARTNER!

Disclaimer: IZ is property of Nick and he with the ill-prone belly.

Chapter One: PLEASE, PLEASE BE MY DANCE PARTNER!

_Brrrrrrrrrrrrrring!_

Zim glared at the hateful building. It was his first year of high school. He had been on this miserable ball of filth for almost three years and nothing to show for it. Well, no, that wasn't entirely true. He had grown taller. Uniform not even fitting anymore, and until his order from Callnowia came through, Zim was forced to wear hideous human garments.

The Irken soldier had learned long ago that tall, skinny males (such as himself and the Dib-beast) were seen as weak, a threat to the concept of 'manliness', and therefore made appropriate punching bags. So Zim had taken to wearing large baggy clothes to hide his form and had managed to avoid detection thus far. The Dib, however, was not so insightful. He still wore his long open trench coat -even in the middle of summer-, blue t-shirt with the grey smiley face that was not so smiley, black pants and boots.

Zim re-adjusted his Tripp jeans and walked up the steps.

"Hello, _Zim_."

Waiting for him just inside the double doors, smiling arrogantly, and leaning on the wall with his hands in his pockets, was Dib. He, too, had grown. Over the years his scythe had started to droop, and now hung as a bang over his enormous forehead.

"You better get to class, _Dib_." Zim replied, smiling back at him, "You wouldn't want to be late and have to stay after school _again_ would you? Not after what happened last time."

Dib winced at the memory of his 'I believe in aliens' boxers flapping in the wind from atop the school flagpole, while he hid, shivering, in the bushes nearby.

But the smirk returned quickly.

"You should be more worried about yourself, Zim. I've just sent off a whole stack of photos of you without your disguise to Mysterious Mysteries! Soon they'll broadcast them nationwide for the entire world to see and you'll either have to leave or end up on an autopsy table!"

Zim rolled his eyes. How many times had they had this conversation before? How many dozens of photos, data disks, and video clips had the Dib sent off to that stupid television channel, with the same predictions? Surely any normal person would have gotten the hint by now. Then again, no one had ever accused the Dib monster of being normal.

Zim walked on past him, "Whatever, stink-beast."

Dib opened his mouth to say something else, but shrugged instead and strutted behind Zim to their shared first period (yes, they have the same classes again here too.)

Class was business as usual. Zim and Dib shot their customary glares at each other, threw balled up insults on little pieces of paper at each other, Dib made his accusatory rant and Zim his counter-rant. Now it was lunch time, and they took up their respective stations in opposite ends of the chow hall. Dib sat alone, since Gaz was still in middle school, and thus had become more vulnerable to attacks from those who would've hesitated to do so before in her presence. Zim sat alone too, but then again he always had. He looked at his questionably edible meal, decided he wasn't that hungry after all, and shoved it away. He then remembered GIR had given him a piece of cake the robot slave had made itself earlier, and he still had it in his PAK. Zim took it out and eyed it warily. You never knew exactly what the little android put into these things, but it at least looked better than what was on his plate.

Zim shrugged and was about to shove it into his mouth, when his teeth closed down on his claws instead.

"YEEEOW!"

He turned and scanned the area behind him with accusing eyes looking for the culprit.

"WHO DARES?! WHO DARES STEAL ZIM'S DELICIOUS PASTRY?!" He turned again and pointed at Dib. "IT WAS YOU WASN'T IT? PATHETIC THIEVING DIRT CHILD! GIVE IT BACK!''

Dib gave Zim a look, "What are you talking about, Zim? I'm nowhere near you! How could I have taken your cake from way over here?"

Zim considered this. "Hmm... you'd have to have been sneaky. VERY sneaky, to be able to slip beside me unnoticed and then slip back across the hall so quickly! Impressive! But that won't save you! ZIM SHALL-"

Cute giggling was heard from his left. Zim promptly turned to find a tall, slim, blond girl with an incredibly short mini-skirt and top, holding his beloved cake in her hand, a small entourage of about 5 equally scantily clad females behind her.

"Oh, I'm sooo sorry." She cooed, "Were you going to eat this?"

"AH!" Said Zim, pointing an indignant claw, "That belongs to ZIM! Return my property AT ONCE, filthy human female!"

The girl pouted, "Oh, pleeease let me have it?" she batted her eyelashes flirtatiously, "I'd be really grateful..."

At this point, a dozen eager males had rushed to form a circle around her, each holding out a tasty looking treat.

"Oh, my!" The girl placed a modest hand against her cheek, "You're all so sweet! But I couldn't possibly finish these all by myself." she snapped her fingers "Girls!"

The entourage stepped forward and proceeded to collect the offerings, retreated behind their leader and waited.

"That's enough for now. Don't forget to vote for me as queen at the dance contest!" And with that she strutted out, the other girls following close behind.

Zim stared at their retreating backs.

"What... just happened here? Who was that girl? How does she hold such power over the other stink monkeys? And what is this "dance contest" of which she speaks? Hmm... YOU!"

The girl from a nearby table that he was currently pointing at almost choked on her mystery meat, "...Mmph?"

"Yes, you!" Zim confirmed. "Explain!"

The girl looked around for someone to help her, but found she was alone, her table-mates deserting her after she'd been addressed by the school weirdo. Looking back at the bug-eyed green kid staring so intensely at her, she realized things would only get worse for her if she stayed quiet.

"Um... S-She's Shirley Sunshine. She just transfered here but is already the most popular girl in school. She's rich and pretty and everybody just does what she says. You can pick up her fanclub booklet in the student center if you want to know more..."

Zim rubbed his chin, "Hmm. Interesting. So this... human quality of being popular... it bestows power? The power of a queen?"

"Err... I guess you could say that. When you're popular, everyone listens to you, and wants to be your friend. You set the standard of what's cool and what's not. The way you dress, the music you like, the places you go, they all become the standard."

"I see... BUT!" Zim's eyes lit up "If there is a dance _queen_, then there must also be a dance _king_ to rule over her, yes?"

"S-Sorta," the girl stuttered. "There _is_ a dance king, but he's not worth much unless he stays with the Queen. If she dumps him or something, he's not popular anymore. Not unless he has some kind of reputation to fall back on."

"So it is the _queen_ who reigns supreme, is it?" said Zim, the plotting wheels churning in his head, "And the queen can only be female?"

She gave him an incredulous look.

Zim shook his head, "Never mind. Silly question."

Then another thought occurred to him "What exactly are the requirements to win this contest?"

"Well," she went on. "I guess you gotta be a good dancer - both you and your partner. And you have to be attractive. Nobody's gonna vote you if you're ugly."

"Excellent!" Zim cried, rubbing his hands conspiratorially over each other, "This is perfect! To rule the world, I must first rule the school! To do that, I must be popular. To achieve this, I must win this dance thingy event... thing! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

The girl, who we'll now call 'Rhonda', shrunk away in terror.

Zim stopped laughing for a moment, as yet another thought popped into his mighty skull. "But first, I must find a suitable partner..." he stared despairingly at the stumbling, drooling morons that filled the chow hall.

Turning back to Rhonda in slight revulsion, he asked, "Does it have to be someone from this school?"

Rhonda nodded.

Zim sighed, "Great..."

* * *

Across the cafeteria, Dib was – of course - watching Zim.

"What are he and that girl talking about? I'll bet it's another one of Zim's evil schemes! Maybe he's trying to recruit her? Or maybe he's just fishing information out of her? Why am I still talking out loud to myself? I'll bet he thinks that-"

Dib was cut off by Zim's triumphant laughter. As he continued to watch, Zim managed to contain himself, scan the room with a disgusted look and asked the girl something. She nodded in reply and Zim sighed. Then he looked up again and his gaze fell on Dib, a curious glint in his eyes. Dib flinched. "Why is he looking at me like that?"

As Dib was pondered on this, a group of kids behind him were snickering and pointing in his direction. One of them got up, with a cup of something in his hand. He snuck up on Dib and suddenly pulled his shirt collar, emptying the cup's contents inside.

"EEEEEEEPPP!"

Dib started shaking himself violently, arcing his back, kicking his pants legs, and spinning on the ground. Much laughing and pointing was had! At least at first... but then as Dib's thrusts and flails became more complicated, a few jeers turned into cheers!

He grabbed his neck with one hand and jumped high, flipping his body over while pushing his neck down with his hands, slide-landing on his back. He pushed himself up with his legs spread apart, lifted one arm and reached for his ankle, changed his mind and moved his other leg forward and under the other knee. He supported his weight on alternating hands while at the same time, arcing his left leg counter-clockwise, sweeping it over the other.

The cheers went wild, even the culprits who had pulled the prank were getting into it. Dib was on all fours now, with his stomach facing the ceiling. He lifted his left hand and kicked up with his left foot, bringing his body into the air, and again with his right. He did this a few more times before finally dislodging the ice-cubes responsible. He lay there on the floor now, exhausted and panting.

Then the mob of females moved in.

"Oh wow, Dib that was _so_ awesome!"

"I had no idea you could dance!"

"Show us that move you did on your head again!"

"Where did you learn to bend like that?"

Then all in unison they yelped: _"PLEASE, PLEASE BE MY DANCE PARTNER!"_

A red headed girl in the front took the initiative and latched onto his coat sleeve, while another one with freckles snatched the other. Soon Dib was caught in the middle of a tug of war, in which he was getting pulled in all directions at once. Dib was nearing the verge of panic as a brunette grabbed hold of his hair scythe...

When she was suddenly knocked unconscious by a slam over the head with a food tray.

One by one he could see various girls in the group go down as one voice screamed to be heard above the others.

"BACK! BACK YOU MALODEROUS WORM-BEASTS! **_ZIM_** LAYS CLAIM ON THE DIB! DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS!"

The hands pulling at Dib suddenly disappeared and he fell to the floor. Grateful to still be in one piece, but still too shaky to have proper control of his limbs, he looked up at his deranged saviour. Zim was standing possessively over him, brandishing a bloody looking spork (or was it ketchup?), and making growly noises from deep within his throat. Behind them, a blue haired girl with pig-tails made a dive for Dib. Zim spun and jammed the back end of the spork up her nose. She screamed and fell, twitching on the floor. The rest of the circle just stared, keeping wary of the crazy green kid, but shooting hungry glances at the prize beneath his feet.

Without warning, Zim picked Dib up over his head and charged into where the circle thinned out. Most moved out of the way, but a bold few went for a tackle. Zim leaped and dodged like a professional football receiver, Dib's weight seemingly irrelevant. Having exited the dining facility, Zim turned and ran down the hall, the sounds of pursuit on his heels.

An unfortunate teacher stepped out of a class in front of them.

"What's going on? What's with all the noise? My students are taking a test here! Hey! You two! No running in the halls!"

Zim flung Dib over the teacher's head and slid out from between her legs, catching the boy on the other side without slowing down. The confused woman bent over to watch them flee from between her thighs, when the stampeding of the herd filled her ears. Too late to reach safety, the lady was trampled under dozens of pairs of tennis shoes, high heels, and flats, without even having the chance to scream. More classroom doors opened, but their teachers merely poked their heads out, and were smart enough to jerk them back in when they saw what was coming.

Having finally reached the outside, Zim did a quick sweep of the grounds to make sure no one saw them and deployed his spider legs, using them to propel him and Dib to the roof of the school. From there, Zim watched the wave of females flood out the doors and spread out. They started turning over rocks, uprooting trees and basically leaving paths of destruction in their wake.

"Where did that green weirdo take that dancing weirdo?!"

"Finders Keepers!

"No way! Anyone other than me that finds him better hand him over!"

"Says who? He's going with ME!"

And so, various cat-fights ensued, with much pulling of the hair, scratching of the eyes and caterwalling with the flinging of stray cats.

Zim, meanwhile, revelled in his victory.

"HA! Pathetic fools! You cannot win against me! But you'll find out soon enough, when I win that dancing dance contest, and I become crowned king... eh, QUEEN! Yes! That's what I meant. I will rule you all with a well manicured fist! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Dib had been unceremoniously dumped on the floor facing away from the cackling egomaniac. Said maniac turned now towards the poor boy, who had just now recovered enough so that his vision had stopped spinning.

"Now all I have to do is convince the Dib-human to go with my plan - should be simple enough."

He started kicking him, "Hey! Hey! Get up, Dib! It's your lucky day! For I, ZIM! Have chosen YOU to have the honor of being my partner for the school dance! You will accept my amazingly generous offer, yes?"

Dib sat up and turned to face little invader.

"What are you talking about, Zim? The dance is for boy-girl couples only, and in case you didn't notice, we're _both boys_." He stood up then, "And even if it wasn't, what makes you think I'd go with you?"

"HA!" cried Zim, having already concocted an ingenious lie in his mighty brain, "Once again, you have been fooled by my BRILLIANT disguise, in which I have given myself the appearance of a male, when I am in fact, a female!"

Dib gave him a look, "Yeah, right, Zim. I may not know too much about alien anatomy, but you've always come off as male to me."

"All part of my brilliant plan to trick you!" Zim nodded. "And now that this whole dance thing has revealed to me that it is the _females_ who hold the true power, I need not play this trick anymore!"

_'Yeah right'_ thought Dib, "Well, whatever. I'm outta here. Seeya, space boy."

Zim planted himself squarely in front of Dib, making it clear he wasn't going anywhere. "Ungrateful fool boy! I just saved you from being torn apart out there! Those females would have ripped you to shreds and worse had I not intervened! You OWE me, Dib-monkey!"

Dib winced and looked over Zim's shoulder at the mayhem taking place on the ground below.

"...I guess... maybe."

Damn his sense of honor! Now that it was pointed out to him, Dib's integrity would torment him with guilt if he walked away now. But should he really humor the alien?

"Okay, look... supposing you're telling the truth and you really are a girl," Dib rolled his eyes, "I really don't know how to dance, Zim. What happened in the cafeteria was just a fluke. I doubt I could do it again on purpose."

Zim smiled, "No matter. The point is that you** did** do it! Meaning you are capable of such. All I have to do is program your body to do so."

Dib blinked, "Program my... Nuh-uh! No way, Zim! There's no way I'm letting you plug me up to your machinery! You'll probably fry my brains or something!"

"IDIOT!" Zim spat. "I need your brain in working order to carry out the tasks I send it! It's perfectly safe. I even plan to use it on myself, actually."

Dib scratched the back of his head, "I don't know... did you build it yourself?"

"Of course!"

"In that case, I _definitely_ don't wanna do it. No offence, Zim, but your inventions have a tendency to self-destruct or go haywire."

Zim growled, "You don't have a _choice_, Dib! And besides, think about the benefits you'll receive if... I mean _WHEN_ we win the contest! You'll be popular! At least for a while, but it'll give you a fresh start in the eyes of your classmates! You'll have redeemed yourself of your past geeky-ness, and get a chance to be acknowledged as a hero! Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

Dib's wanted to dismiss the idea out of hand. Him, popular? He wished!

But...

His eyes went dreamy while he fantasized the impossible possibility. "I could... be a hero?"

Zim nodded, then crossed his arms as he pondered an alternative outcome. "Although, even if it doesn't work, everyone already thinks you're crazy... so they won't notice if you happen to lose a few extra brain cells anyway."

Dib crash landed back into reality, and grimaced. "Gee, thanks. That's real reassuring, Zim"

"You're welcome. So, does that mean you'll do it?"

"I thought you said I didn't have a choice?"

"That's right, you _don't_. It'd just be easier for the both of us if you were to cooperate. I do have my means of persuasion, after all. Tossing you back into the female frenzy behind me for instance..."

Dib felt every hair on his body stand up. The horror! He closed his eyes and managed to calm himself back down. He realized that while he was at Zim's mercy, he was also under his protection.

_'Until he doesn't need me anymore.'_ Dib thought grimly,_ 'But I'll make sure I've got a back up plan before that happens!'_

He opened his eyes and focused them on what he resignedly accepted was his new business partner, "Fine. I'll help you."

"Excellent!" Zim walked over and grabbed his hand "Then let us be off! We'll begin our research immediately!"

Dib pulled his hand free, "BUT!" he continued, "You have to promise not to lock me up, take away my free will, or endanger my life in any way!"

"Fine, fine." Zim grabbed his hand again, "As long as you prove yourself trustworthy and those tactics don't prove necessary." He flipped out his communicator. "GIR! Come pick me up! I'm on the roof of the human school building!"

The screen GIR was eating what appeared to be a sloppy joe. Looking at his master, he spotted Dib and waved frantically "Hi, Mr. Big Head!"

"GIR!"

GIR saluted, "Sir!" and the screen flicked off.

"My head isn't big..." Dib mumbled.

10 seconds later a flying green dog with laser jets crash-landed in front of them. The puppy rolled over and righted itself, giggling all the while.

"Hi, master!" he said, "Guess where I found this!"

He pulled the disturbingly real looking chicken leg from out of his head, and ate it whole. "Mmmm!"

Zim and Dib winced.

"That's disgusting, GIR," said Zim "Nevermind your inanities! Just get us out of here!"

"Ooookay!" GIR juiced up his jets again and scooped the pair up on his back. Zim ended up landing in Dib's lap.

With Zim seizing GIR's dog ears and Dib clutching Zim's mid-section, they made their screamy way back to Zim's base.

_End of chapter one! This is my first fan-fic ever! Been reading other people's stuff on here and ideas just started hatching. I'm trying to keep everybody as much IC as possible, and I think I did that pretty well in this chapter. Future chapters (like all IZ romances) might start veering off course. Many thankies to pinky-pseudonym for helping me proff-read, and to ShikamaruNoMiko for beta-reading! _


	2. To The Mall!

Disclaimer: IZ belongs to Nickelodeon

Chapter 2: To the Mall!

The trio violently entered Zim's base via a, thankfully, open window. Rolling to a sitting position, GIR switched off his jets and went skipping off into the kitchen to make a snack.

Dib had landed on something soft. He pushed himself up to see that he was on top of Zim.

The latter began squirming.

"Get OFF, Dib beast! You're heavy!"

Finding the squirming strangely exciting, yet the fact that he thought this, highly disturbing, Dib complied quickly and without comment.

Zim got up and made a show of dusting himself off. (The tickets cost five dollars each)

"Now, the first thing to do is research the various dance techniques your backwards planet has to offer, and discover which ones will produce the winning combination."

Dib looked boredly at him, "Fine, Zim, whatever."

Zim cocked an eyebrow bone at him (He's gotta have one of those right?).

"You still don't believe me do you?"

"Why should I? You're only an alien menace bent on enslaving the entire human race! Why should I trust anything you say?"

"Fine!" Zim countered, "I guess I'll just have to prove it to you..."

"Tsk, yeah, right, Zim. And how exactly do you plan to--"

Dib stopped and gaped, wide eyed, mouth hung open in mid-sentence.

Zim smiled. In that horrible class known as Health, they had been forced to learn about sex education. Though he hadn't wanted to, Zim had seen the anatomical differences that made up the males and the females of the planet. He also noticed that since his own member was retractable, when stored in its sheath, he resembled the female of the species.

When he decided Dib had seen enough, he quickly pulled his pants back up, smile never leaving his green face.

"Still have your doubts, Dib-monkey?"

Dib's eyes had glazed and a little bit of blood had trickled down his nose. The sound of Zim's voice brought him out of his stupor, and he turned beet red, suddenly finding something fascinating about his boots.

"Well, then, if there are no further objections..."

Zim took Dib's hand, and began tugging him towards his elevator/storage closet in the kitchen.

Dib's head snapped up and he snatched his hand free.

"Y-you don't need to do that! I can f-follow you around without you holding my hand!"

Zim snatched it back.

"I'm sure you can," he said (she said?)

"But even though there's this temporary truce between us, I can't exactly have you running around loose in my base, now can I?"

Dib glared but allowed himself to be dragged. They reached the storage closet and stepped inside, the cramped quarters normally meant for just one person severely compromising their personal space. They rode in uncomfortable silence on the 10 second (but what seemed more like an hour) ride, and stepped out into Zim's computer lab.

"Computer!" said Zim, "Bring up files on human dances!"

"Searching"

Dib fidgeted, his hand was becoming clammy (or maybe it was Zim's hand?).

"139 matches found," (I went to a Dance Dictionary and counted them 0o; )

A list of dances displayed itself on the screen.

Zim looked at Dib, as if it was his fault.

Dib cleared his throat, you narrow it down to, uh, let's say 3 two people styles?"

The computer hummed.

"Ballroom, rhythm, and social dancing."

Dib smirked at Zim. "Display the first one."

More humming.

"This type of dancing is enjoyed by elegant society, and is usually for formal occasions. Such dancing includes: Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot, Quickstep, and Bolero. Dances like the Bolero, for example, can be very romantic, in that a young man can actually hold the young lady in his arms, embrace her or hug her, and even go cheek to cheek with her. "

Dib and Zim blushed, Dib tryin to make sure the blood from his blush didn't head elsewhere.

"Eh...show the next one."

"Rhythm dancing, also known as Latin dancing, focuses more on the body moving to the beat of the music as opposed to having a fixed set of steps to follow. One favorite style is pursuit dancing, such as: The Fimeza, Escondido, Bambuco, Jarabe, and Guaguanco. The choreography of the Guaguanco has been compare to that of "a rooster chasing a hen, preening himself, puffing his chest out, strutting about, and relentlessly pursuing his potential mate." As the dance continues, the couple goes through several steps simulating a process of attraction and rejection. At the appropriate time, the male dancer executes a -vacunao- ---(what's this?) by gesturing with a pelvic thrust toward the woman. She responds with an accepting gesture and the ritual is consummated."

They blushed deeper, although Zim's stopped, after he tried to figure out what consummated meant.

"NEXT!"

"Social dancing includes: The Lindy Hop, Salsa, East Coast Swing and West Coast Swing. Most dances are done at arm's length, and are fast paced, the lady's hands resting lightly on the man's shoulders, and his on her waist--"

"That's enough for today!" said Zim suddenly, tugging Dib back towards the elevator, "We can figure out what to do with our... 'findings' some other time. For now, I believe a change of attire is in order. To the Mall!"

After another 10 second eternity in the elevator, they were crossing the living room, when a sticky, brown goop covered puppy fell from the cieling and splattered in front of them. GIR lifted his face from the floor with a sickly suction noise, and grinned happily at the pair.

"Hiya, Master! Where ya goin? Are ya goin to da circus? Can I come too? I wanna be the walrus!" he began clapping his...um, hands?, together and making arfing noises.

Zim frowned, "We are going to the mall, GIR. And NO, you can't come! Pets aren't allowed! So just stay here till we come back. Go watch your...horrible little monkey show or something."

GIR got teary eyed, "Awww..." then he cheered up, "MONKAAAAY!!" and breast-stroked to the couch.

Zim stared angrily at the trail of goo leading from the kitchen to the living room ceilng and back to the couch, but just shook his head and lead Dib with her out the door.

Since neither of them could drive yet, (Voot Runners don't count!) they began to walk the 2 1/2 miles to the shopping center.

Dib was unhappy. "Hey, Zim, now that we're not in your base anymore, would you mind letting go? People are staring at us..."

And so they were. Curious stares, disgusted stares, and even angry ones.

Zim was unaffected by this, however. "Let their stupid, squishy heads stare! Their squinty eyeballs do not intimidate ZIM! If any of them try to take you, they'll have to deal with ME first!"

Oddly, this seemed to comfort Dib, somewhat. Besides, he knew it was useless trying to argue with Zim, so he just sidled up a little closer to the irken, and kept his head down.

They reached the Mall without incident. The pair entered the air-conditioned building, and just let their eyes roam the myriad of shops.

Zim turned to Dib. "Well earth-stink, where should we go first?"

"You're asking ME?" Dib said incredulously, "I've been here less times than you probably have. I don't know where anything is...except for the Men's Slaughter House Leather, but I only go there maybe once a year for a new coat!"

Zim swore under her breath, "Useless...we'll just have to enter random stores, then."

"Or we could just ask."

Zim sneered, "I refuse to beg mindless consumer drones for information! I will demand they take us to where the feminine enhancement facilities are!"

Dib rolled his eyes, "Just let me do the talking, okay?"

Zim rolled her eyes back, "Whatever."

They walked toward a middle aged woman sprawled on a bench, her face flushed, shopping bags taking up the entire space on either side of her.

Dib gave her what he hoped looked like a non-threatening smile, as they approached.

"Excuse me, ma'am."

The lady smiled tiredly, "Hello there, young man. Did you boys want to take a seat?" She reached to move her bags.

"No-no, it's not that." said Dib, "We were just wondering if you knew where we could find...um," he searched for a word to describe their mission in which he had no idea what they were looking for, "Feminine enhancement facilities..."

"Oh," the woman said, looking them over doubtfully, eyes lingering on their interlocked hands.

"It's not what you think!" Dib said quickly, "See, Zim's a girl, but she--"

"Zim?" She turned her gaze on the green child, who had not looked at her up until this point.

She looked at the lady now, "That's right. I am a female human worm baby! I just chose to dress like a boy because it pleased me! Females can do that, right? But now I wish to look more feminine, so I can win the school dance contest and become popular! Now are you going to tell us what we want to know, or will I have to force it out of you?"

Dib paled, and was about to apologize, but the woman just smiled and nodded.

"So, you're a tomboy then." she said, obviously pleased enough to ignore everything else Zim had said, "In that case, the first thing you'll want to do is change that dreadful hairstyle! Duane's Clipper Hands is down that way, 5th store on your right. Ask for Betty, and you'll be fixed right up!"

"Okay, thanks!" Dib yanked Zim away before the irken could be offended.

They might have found the store by themselves anyways. A huge smiley face had 'Duane's Clipper Hands' written across the teeth. Large robotic arms just below it opened and closed a pair of giant scissors, which served as the doors, in slow, precision timed snips. One couple dashed out the store, evading bodily harm from the sharp blades, but unable to save their dignity, as they mooned the people behind them out of their newly acquired pant flaps.

Dib and Zim looked at each other.

"Okay," said Dib, "On the count of 3, when the doors have just closed, we make a run for it, deal?"

Zim nodded, tightening her grip on his hand.

The scissors began to open, "One..." The blades reached the top and started to swing back down "Two..." and closed. Before Dib could finish counting, Zim ran full speed and dived at the barely opening entrance,

Colliding with another customer on her way out.

For an heart stopping moment, the two girls sat stunned on the floor underneath the deadly doors which, having reached their pinnacle, were already starting their decent back down. Their male counterparts rushed to scoop them up, Dib all but tackling Zim in his hurry to get to safety. The doors made almost angry hiss as they missed the boy's trench coat tail by mere millimeters.

'Talk about your close shaves!' thought Dib. (And the proofreader grimaced at the pun, wondering when the perverted jokes would come again. Ha! Ha! Ha! Come...) He looked down at the still slightly dazed alien in his arms, wondering why he hadn't just let the killer doors get rid of his problem for him.

"Ah! Welcome! Welcome!"

Dib turned towards the voice, to find himself facing a french looking guy in an apron, a rat-tail comb tucked behind his ear.

"How can we help you, mes ami? Would you like a perm? Perhaps some highlights? Contrasting colors are very fashionable this season you know."

Dib sweat-dropped, "Um, actually, we were looking for someone named Betty..."

"Ah, but of course you were! And you have found him! I am Betty Duane, at your service!" He bowed with a flourish of his hand.

"...Err, right. Anyway," he lowered Zim's feet to the ground, and helped her stand, "Can you do something about her hair?"

"Hmm..." Betty looked Zim over, circled her, tugging at patches of her hair.

Zim swatted angrily at his hand, "Cut that out!"

"Hmph, I suppose I'll have to." Betty shook his head sadly, "So many split ends! And so dry! It almost feels like you're wearing a wig!" He caught the alien's surprised look, "Oh! So you are! Nothing to be ashamed of, mon cheri. Now come, come!" The french man ushered her to a styling chair, "Your boyfriend may have a seat in the waiting area."

Dib advanced on them, "Hey, wait! She's not my--"

"Now, now. I know you must be nervous," Betty shooed him away, "But I can't work with spectators looking over my shoulder. Don't worry, this won't take long. Merely a matter of a new wig, and cut!"

"And don't even think of leaving, Dib-monkey!" came Zim's voice from behind the chair, "We made a deal! And plus I know where you liiiiiive!!! And I know what you did last summer!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Dib chose a random seat and flopped himself down it.

Now that things had slowed down, he had a chance to think about the day's events. Everything had happened so fast. It started as the usual routine, with the boasts and the insults. The turning point had been his burst of sudden break-dancing at lunch-time, followed by Zim's rescue/capture from the other girls. Then there was the startling revelation once they'd reached Zim's base, the embarrassing dance hunting in her computer lab, and now he had just saved her life so she could get a hair cut. Dib sighed. He'd been doing a lot of that lately, he noticed. (But it made him angsty, so no one cared!)

'Oh well, could've been worse,' he consoled himself, 'At least my underwear wasn't on display this time...'

"And, VOILA!"

Dib lifted his gaze to meet that of a another girl's. She had black, shoulder length hair, layered with strands in the front that framed her face. She narrowed thin eyeliner penciled brows and flipped her hair up impatiently.

"Our business is done here," she said, turning back to the stylist, "How much do we owe you?"

The two started discussing the price, the girl pulling out what looked like a MasterCard from her Tripp Jeans pocket. Transaction completed, she walked over to Dib and took his hand.

"Come on, I'll need some new clothes." she looked at the doors of doom and then back at their owner, "Isn't there some sort of 'off 'switch for those things?"

"But of course there is!" said Betty, "Once I shut them off, however, they'll never come back on again! If they stop closed we cannot go out, and customers cannot come in; if they stay open, thieves might come and vandalize my shop!"

The girl sneered, "Some sort of back entrance, then?"

"Well...there's a secret entrance I use when I first come in, but it leads into another store..."

"As long as there're no swinging blades..."

"Very well, but I hope you know I'm only doing this because I think you two make such a cute couple!"

He stepped into an 'Authorized Personnel Only' door and motioned for them to follow.

The girl tugged Dib behind her and did so. They came into a small room, with boxes of various things stacked up against the walls. Betty was standing beside a pair of taller ones with a little gap in between.

"I have to unlock the combination. Normally this takes a few seconds, but this thing is so old, it takes several tries for it to work. Please wait a moment."

As he turned back to work, the girl flicked her hair again, and brought her hand down to rest on her hip.

Dib blinked, "Zim?"

The girl holding his hand looked irritably at him, confirming his suspicions of her identity.

"What?"

Dib's free hand reached out and brushed a strand of hair from her face. Zim said nothing, but felt her cheeks grow slightly warmer.

Dib smiled, "This is a good look for you..."

"It's open!"

The two jumped back from each other, hands still interlocked, but just barely.

Betty stepped aside to reveal what looked like a closet. A full length mirror was on the door, and coat hooks stuck out from the back wall.

Zim glowered at the frenchy, "What kind of stupid worm baby trick is this?!" she screamed, "That doesn't look like the entrance to anything! Looks more like a trap!"

"That's because you're looking at the opposite end of a changing room" he explained patiently, "from Pretty Pretty's Tops and Bottoms Store."

Dib blushed. He could just imagine the reaction they'd get were anyone to spot the two coming out of a changing room together.

He looked at Zim, "You sure you don"t wanna take our chances with the front door?"

She growled and pulled him into the room, "I don't want to mess up my hair..."

Sidling up next to Zim in the enclosed space reminded Dib sharply of their elevator rides, but he said nothing, and just fixed his gaze on the opposite wall.

"Don't open the door until the one I'm holding is closed, and you hear a click!" Betty warned, "I don't want everybody else knowing about this."

Zim and Dib nodded and were plunged into darkness. They waited a few seconds, heard a faint clicky noise, and then Zim pushed out the other wall.

They stepped out and into Pretty Pretty's Tops and Bottoms

...lingerie section.

And, as Dib had guessed, they had an audience.

Zim stuck up her chin confidently and pulled Dib behind her as if they were doing nothing out of the ordinary.

They were approached by a woman with long coppery curls, plaid mini skirt, and a sticker on her blue T-shirt that read "Hi! My name is Jean.

"Can I help you look for something?" she asked, glancing pointedly at Dib, who was just as pointedly not looking at her, or anybody else.

Zim stepped forward to block her view of him.

"Yes, you can help me. " The irken glared, "I'm looking for something that'll make me look more feminine. I am attempting to become popular, you see--"

"Well, then!" Jean said, dropping her mean demeanor and becoming excited, "You have much to learn, young grasshopper!"

"Hey!" said Zim, "It's a skin condition!"

Jean nodded, "Your boyfriend will have to wait outside, though, as his presence is disturbing the other customers"

Dib said nothing, and just continued to look at the floor as it began to move under his feet. When it stopped moving, he felt his hand suddenly cool. He looked at it. It was the one Zim had been holding the entire day. He'd was amazed at how quickly he'd become used to the constant warmth and pressure. He also realized he'd somehow ended up at the front of the store near some shoe displays.

Although feeling immensly relieved at no longer being surrounded by lacy see-through garments, he could still feel the dissapproving stares of various women who were no doubt wondering what he'd been doing in that section in the first place.

Dib sighed (again. )

"I feel like such a pervert..."

Someone cleared their throat. Dib blinked back into reality and focused on the scene before him.

He caught his breath.

The sales lady was standing beside Zim, beaming proudly and giving Dib a knowing look.

Zim was wearing a white, long sleeved blouse with criss-cross lace ending just above the bust line, (although there were no boobs to under it anyway), a denim knee length skirt with a fitted cut that showed off her curves, and a pair of mid-calf high black boots.

Zim looked shy as she asked him, "So...what do you think?"

Dib remembered to breath.

"You, uh...you look...nice." Really nice! he added mentally. He was going to burn it into his brain for those late nights he couldn't sleep.

Sales lady smiled. "And this is just the beginning! You'll need at least one outfit, preferably more, for every day of the week. You NEVER wear the same set of clothes more than once a week. And you'll need to buy a new outfit every month..."

Sales lady helped Zim pick out half a dozen more outfits and she paid for with her MasterCard. They took their purchases and left the store, towards the food court. Since Dib had only had his toast for breakfast, and missed lunch, he'd convinced Zim to make the side trip.

They both got space meat burgers and lemonade, sat down and began talking. It was a pleasant conversation. No insults, no threats. They talked about school, toast, and even buying Dib a new coat.

A thought occured to him, "About that...where did you get a credit card from? When did you even get a bank account?"

Zim grinned, "I found it lying near one of those filthy monies dispensing machines. The machine kept asking me for a PEN number or something like that, but that soon became unnecessary after I made a few slight modifications."

Dib gaped, "You're using a stolen credit card?!"

"Weren't you listening, stink beast? I told you I found it! Zim is no thief!"

"You took something that didn't belong to you! What do you call that?"

"I call it finders keepers, losers, um...lose...SO THERE!"

"Zim, you have to give it back! Not only because it's the right thing to do, but if you get caught--"

"You're just jealous 'cause you didn't find it!"

"If I had, I would've given turned it in to the bank, right away!"

"You lie! Filthy, greedy, jealous lying worm baby! YOU LIIIIE!!!"

Dib had enough, "Fine! Do whatever you want, but when someone blows the whistle and you get arrested, don't expect me to come bail you out!"

"Fine! I will!...I mean, I won't!...I mean...ARGH!" Zim banged her fists on the table. "Stop confusing me!"

Dib massaged his temples, "Look, let's just go home and forget I ever said anything, okay?"

Zim smirked, "Fine."

They began the walk home, hand in hand, past the empty streets and dark houses. Dib hadn't realized how late it had gotten. He hoped his sister wouldn't lock him out.

Then again, if she did, maybe Zim would let him stay with--

Dib shook head. Where did that thought come from?! Zim was still a menace to humanity, and as Earth's sole protector, he couldn't afford to begin having feelings for her!

A little voice inside him whispered, You already do...

He shut his eyes, "Shut UP!"

"Whaaat?! I haven't said anything!"

Dib blinked, realizing he had just uttered his last thought out loud.

Zim cocked an eyebrow at him. (remember the pencils!) And the immature proofreader fell over laughing at the word 'cock'

"Err...n-never mind. It was nothing. I was just...thinking out loud"

"About what?"

"Don't worry about it, okay?!" Dib snapped, "I told you it's nothing!"

Zim continued to look oddly at him, but shrugged, stopping suddenly.

Now it was Dib's turn to cock brows, "Why are we stopping?" (giggle...XD)

"We're here." She said.

They were standing in front of Zim's house. Dib wondered how he could have missed the freaky looking gnomes and puffy pink blowfish staring at nothing with wide, lifeless eyes. Not to mention the fact that Zim's house was the only house on the block (maybe the whole city) that glowed with a faint green light.

"Oh," said Dib lamely. "Uh...do you...need help carrying these bags into your base?"

"I can handle it. I'm not some weak human female who can't fend for herself!"

Dib smirked, then he realized he was still holding Zim's hand. He blushed slightly.

"Guess I should...go home now..."

"Yeah," replied Zim "I guess so..."

Still, Dib didn't let go. He began playing with Zim's fingers. There was a certain feeling of tension in the air around them, as if something was waiting to happen. Dib felt he knew what something was, though he didn't want to admit to it. He saw Zim looking at him curiously, a lock of hair falling cutely out of place.

Well, maybe just a little... he thought.

Not taking his eyes away from hers, Dib slowly raised the back of Zim's hand to his lips and kissed it, giving it a little squeeze before letting it go and turning around to head to his house. He didn't have to look back to know Zim was staring after him.

Dib smiled.

Not bad for their first date.


	3. Ignorant Worm Beast! I am ZIM!

Disclaimer: IZ belongs to Nickelodeon.

Chapter 3: Ignorant worm beast! I am ZIM!

Dib woke up the next morning, to the sound of his scary sister's irritated voice.

"DIB! There's an alien at the door for you!"

He grumbled and rolled over to look at the blinking red numbers on his alarm clock. 7:30.

He groaned, "I'll be right there!"

Dib changed quickly, taking a minute to brush his teeth before heading down the steps to where said alien was waiting for him.

"What are you doing here so early, Zim?" he asked grumpily, "School doesn't start till 9."

"Good morning to you too, Dib-beast!" she said, "I just wanted to get a chance to talk to you before school started...in private."

Dib nodded dully, and led the way up to his room.

Locking the door behind them, he turned to face the green invader girl now sitting on his bed. He could have laughed at the irony. Here he was, alone in his room with his mortal enemy, not fighting, not trying to capture each other, as was the natural order of things, but getting ready to have a little polite conversation.

Zim didn't look amused, however. "About last night..."

Dib nodded. He had been thinking about that too. Had even dreamed about it in fact. The end result of his dream being slightly different from the actual events...

Dib blushed and tried to focus his thoughts back on the present. He WAS NOT having sick fantasies over his archenemy.

So Zim had been thinking along the same lines as he had, and was coming to Dib for reassurance. Not that he was all that sure himself, mind you.

She cleared her throat and continued, "It didn't mean anything. We...we're still enemies, right? I'm still going to try to conquer this filth ball planet and you're still set against that. When the dance is over, things will go right back to how they were before."

Dib nodded, a smirk forming on his face, "Don't worry, Zim. I'll have you under a dissecting knife, ready for your autopsy, soon enough." He fought back images of Zim strapped to a table, helpless to his every whim.

Zim smirked back, "You'll be having a hard time doing that from your dungeon cell, Dib-worm, once my popularity gains me supreme control over the rest of your fellow dirt-babies!"

"Not if I capture you first!"

"HA! As if your inferior human self were capable of such!"

"Oh, yeah?" said Dib, a split second before tackling Zim and pinning her to the bed.

She yelped in surprise, looking up at him, eyes wide.

Dib smiled, fighting his natural male instinct to just move down upon his prisoner "Who's inferior now?"

Zim's surprise quickly gave way to anger. She glared venomously at him. "You DARE attack Zim while under truce?! Treacherous human filth! Release me this instant!"

Dib chuckled, Zim was so cute when she was angry, and did as he was told.

Zim seemed surprised by this as well. She sat up and began rubbing her shoulders where Dib had held her down, still glaring at the human boy.

Dib grinned. "You know, Zim, just because we're enemies doesn't mean we can't be civil to each other...I mean, if we're going to be working together we might as well try to get along, right?"

Zim said nothing. She looked away and continued to rub.

"Aww, come on, Zim! Don't tell me your gonna be pouty for the rest of the day?"

Zim continued to ignore him.

Dib sighed, "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just--"

A sudden thought occured to him. Dib grinned mischievously, "Here, let me help you with that..."

He sat down behind her, reached up and began massaging Zim's shoulders. She tensed instantly, but Dib knew what he was doing. He had taken classes for this back when Gaz started getting cramps from staying in her zone too long. He soon felt the irken melting under his skilled hands. She even started making happy little chirping noises the earth boy found quite endearing. Starting at the base of her neck, he kneaded small circles out towards her shoulders, paying special attention to tender spots along the tops, and back again.

He whispered soothingly meanwhile. Was he putting too much pressure? Not enough? Go a little higher? A little slower?

Zim softly moaned her replies, Dib taking mental notes for later...

They were then rudely interrupted, when the left section of Dib's wall burst inward to make way for a puffy green puppy. (The non pervy readers sighed, for there would be no more scarring of minds at least for this chapter. However, the die hard slash fans gritted their teeth at this sudden change in mood, but accepted it for plot issues.)

They gaped at it. "GIR!"

"Hiya, Master!" the robot slave answered giddily, hopping over to the foot of the bed, "You forgot your lunch! I broughts it for you!" He unzipped his costume, opened up his head and brought out a leaky brown lunch bag. The little SIR unit presented it proudly to his owner, "I made a you a sammich! It's pickle butter and jellyfish!"

Zim groaned, giving Dib an apologetic look.

"Uh...that's alright, GIR. I've decided to skip lunch today. I'm not really that hungry..."

"Awwwww..." GIR said, making a sad little puppy face. Then he grinned broadly, "I'm gonna bake a cake!" and flew back out his newly made entrace.

Dib and Zim watched him go, and when he was gone, they just sat there in uncomfortable silence for a while.

Finally, Dib spoke up, "Umm...Do you...want to eat breakfast with us? It's still a little early to go to school, and since you said you're skipping lunch..."

Zim smiled, "Sure, why not?"

As they decended the stairs, they were met at the bottom by the Goddess of Doom.

Gaz paused her Game Slave, and looked up at them.

"Was that an explosion I heard coming from your room?"

Dib nodded, "Yep"

"Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not."

She opened an eye and considered her poor, insane brother for a moment, closed it, then shrugged, "Yeah, you're right" and went back to playing Vampire Piggy Vice City.

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- -----

They arrived through the double doors of the school before the bell rang.

Though it seemed all the students were in a hurry, they weren't so much so that they didn't take time to notice the pair.

"Look, look!" they said, "It's Dib!"

"Who's that girl with him?"

"She's hot!"

"Maybe she's new and he's showing her around?"

"She's got that same skin condition like that green kid...what's-his-name."

"Hello, Dib." Came another, husky, voice from behind them.

Zim bristled at the tone. Parting like the waters of Moses, the teenagers stepped aside so Zim and Dib could turn to look directly at little Miss Sunshine herself.

"I heard about what you did in the cafeteria yesterday." She smiled warmly, slowly closing the gap between them, eyes focused solely on Dib, "And I was wondering if maybe later on you could give me a little demonstration..."

"He's busy!" Zim quickly inserted herself between the two (making the pervs in the audience drool at the idea of a threesome), "The Dib has no time to waste entertaining! He's going to be spending it preparing for the dance...with _ME_."

Shirley looked oddly at Zim, as if just noticing her for the first time.

"And who, exactly, are you? I don't think I've seen you around before."

"Ignorant worm beast!" the irken fumed, "I am ZIM!!!"

Astonished gasps and exclamations erupted from around them.

"No way! That _can't_ be Zim!"

"Sure sounds like him though..."

"I thought Zim was a guy!"

"He _did_ use to always wear a funny pink dress in middle school..."

And so on, along those lines.

The blonde bombshell smirked, "Well! It would seem everyone has the impression that you're a boy, _Zim_. Or that at least you used to be..."

She looked at Dib, "Playing on the other team now, are you?"

Dib glared at her, wrapping a protective arm around his alien's waist,  
"You're all wrong! Zim **is** a girl!"

"And how would you know that?" she smiled mockingly at him, "Have you checked?"

Dib shifted his glare to the floor, suddenly blushing furiously.

Shirley's eyes widened, "Oh my gawd...YOU DID! You two...did _it_ didn't you?!"

"It?" Zim narrowed her eyes in confusion, "What is this 'it' of which you accuse the Dib and I of doing?"

Dib knew of course. He paled, "Tha...that's not true! We never!...that is, I didn't..."

No one was listening to him of course. Although everyone already knew that the two were already involved with each other to a certain degree, what with Dib going over to Zim's house all the time to 'spy' on her, the school's current alpha female, Shirley Sunshine, had just announced to the entire Freshman class that their relationship was a bit more intimate than they had ever imagined.

Not that some hadn't already suspected.

They were then instantly separated as clusters of matching genders encircled each of them.

"How long have you guys been doing it, Zim?"

"You're not ashamed of it are you?"

"I've heard about some cultures where the women aren't allowed to even _speak_ to anybody besides their husbands and have to wear heavy black clothes that cover their entire body, so that only the eyes show. Are you from one of those?"

Zim was still confused, and became even more so at the barrage of questions concerning the mysterious 'it' thing.

Dib wasn't much better off.

One of the first to approach him was Torque Smaky.

"So the freak's finally become a man, huh?" he said, giving Dib a friendly, albeit spleen shattering, pat on the back. "How does it feel? Was she good?"

Dib blushed, "I told you guys, we didn't **do** anything!"

"Aww, come on, Dib! Don't hold out on us!"

"Yeah! How else would you know that she's really a girl?"

Dib sighed, he obviously wasn't going to convince anybody. Not that he shouldn't be used to that by now. So he opted for a different approach.

He shrugged, "Even if I did, I wouldn't have anything to compare it with."

The others nodded sympathetically. Torque laughed, slapping a hand on his shoulder,  
"Stick with me, kid! We'll get you educated, soon enough!"

Dib blushed darker, "Um, thanks, but I really don't--"

"What?" someone else ventured, "You gonna tell us you're only interested in cross dressing _aliens_ from outer space?"

The others snickered.

"Hey! Lay off the guy!" said Torque. Dib looked surprisedly at him. Torque Smacky, the guy who'd regularly wash Dib's head in the toilet, the guy who made Dib pay _him_ for the priviledge of doing his homework, was standing up for him?

"He's cool," his former tormentor continued, "He's a man now. If he don't wanna tell us, he don't have to."

The others lowered their heads sheepishly and mumbled apologies to Dib, and he just stood there dumb struck. He was cool? He, Dib Membrane (I know that's not his real last name, but I like to pretend it is anyway :-p ) was a man? Not a freak, not a weirdo, but...normal. No, better than normal. He was COOL!!! (With three exlamation marks no less!)

Torque smiled down at him, "But you'll tell us eventually, right?"

"Dib!"

The poor boy almost sighed in relief. Instead he just smiled at them. "Excuse me," he said, and strutted over to Zim's side, who had just escaped her own gaggle of investigators.

He was feeling so good, in fact, that he swept her up in his arms and planted a kiss soundly on her lips, before setting the bewildered extraterrestrial back down, arm around her shoulders.

"Come on, Zim!" he said, enthusiastically, "We don't wanna be late for class!"

Zim said nothing. The pressing of his lips on hers had been brief, but the effect reverberated through her body. She felt a sense of loss when he'd pulled away. He grinned down at her while she mulled over his curious action. Kissing wasn't that common in Irken culture, so it was a unique experience for her. She realized she liked it, and a slow, steady smile creeped up on her lips. She shrugged, wrapping her own arm around his waist.

"Whatever, Dib-beast."

He grinned broadly, giving her shoulders a tight squeeze before walking them to their first class. It was social studies, with the most boring, tedious teacher in the entire school. Even that did nothing to dampen Dib's spirit. Things were actually looking up for once.

Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

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The End!

.....of Chapter 3! : D Hee-hee! How many of you fell for that? Anyways, as per Anime Obsessor's comment, Zim learned about the HUMAN male and female anatomical differences! Why would they teach irken biology on Earth anyway? And don't worry, I'm not yelling at you. Just setting the record straight in case anybody else missed that. Also thought I'd mention that since I'm also working on another ficcy, I'm gonna hold this one for ransom! The next chapter will come out after say...50 reviews? And they must be signed! And they must praise my awesomeness! No flames! And if I don't like them, this ficcy will DIE! (insert maniacal laughter with spooky thunder and lightning in the background)...Oo; lol, just kidding! I'm just using unreasonable expectations as an excuse to be lazy!Hee-hee, am so evil...>;-) Many thankies to celestial star for helping me proof read this, and adding random special touches! :D


	4. Operation Dib Snatcher!

Chapter 4: Operation Dib Snatcher!

"Well, _that_ could've gone better!"

Shirley said, rounding the corner, her entourage trying to keep up behind her.

"I didn't expect my prey to be claimed so quickly, but given what I've heard of his performance, I should've." She stopped suddenly, causing the girls behind to trip over themselves and land in a heap. (after some playful giggles and slapping sounds, they shut up to listen to her)

"No matter. It's about time I had a challenge!"

She turned toward the pile, "Number 3!"

The girls quickly disentangled themselves and got up, standing in line like soldiers at attention.

Yellow Pig Tails saluted, "Sir!"

"I'm going to need the 411 on this 'Zim' girl. Ask around and see what her deal is, and how she knows Dib. See if you can get some dirt on her while you're at it."

Number 3 nodded and dropped her salute.

Shirley turned to Black Braids, "Number 2, and ditto on Dib. Hack into the school's computer and bring up his files. I want to know who and what I'm dealing with here."

After BB saluted, her eyes wandered to Red Curls, "Number 1..."

Red Curls smiled, "I know what to do."

Shirley smiled back, "The rest of you, dismissed to your classes."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_The Dib is certainly acting strangely_, thought Zim

She was watching him from her seat in their History class. Not only was his attitude different, but his body language as well. He had always seemed so sad, and angry at everything, slumping in his seat and frowning, smirking every now and then only when given the chance to torment her.

He sat up straight now, head held high and a silly grin plastered on his face. He'd still smirk at her, but there was no malice in it. They were...knowing smirks, as if he knew a secret and was letting her know he knew. His usual sneers and leers were replaced with sly winks. (It was like he was an actual male) Zim had observed this behavior before. Flirting, she believed it was called. It made her blush and squirm uncomfortably that he would give her that kind of attention. What did it mean exactly?

The teacher was wrapping up the monotone droning he called education and made an announcement, "Now I know you're all excited about the dance on Friday night, but that will not be an excuse for failing to do your homework." he flipped open the history book in his hand and stopped somewhere in the middle, "Chapters 23 to 30 will be due--"

The bell rang then, and homework was lost and forgotten amid the stampeed towards freedom!

As Zim rose from her desk, the books on it suddenly dissapeared, and a familiar warmth slid into her hand. She looked up to see Dib smiling down at her, missing books under his arm, his other hand holding her own. She raised a brow at him, before smiling as well, everything suddenly falling into place. How quickly she had tamed him! Not only was he now catering to her like an obedient slave, he had even put the leash on himself! For his actions surely meant that he had finally succumbed to her will, and knew his place as belonging to Zim! Not that she should be surprised, of course; after all, who could resist her superior Irken charms?

They strutted out the doors and to the court yard for lunch.

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Number 2 melded into the herd. Their migration route went closely past her destination and subtlety was key. The principal's office suddenly came into view, and before anyone could notice, she had melded back out and slipped in through the door.

No one was there. They had all gone to feed of course. The principal and his secretary would usually socialize with the teachers at the watering hole dubbed 'The Lounge' and they never bothered to lock the place since most students tended to avoid this area anyway.

Having shut the door behind her, BB undid the bottom of her right braid, dislodging the mini buzzer alarm hidden there, and wired it to the door knob. Nobody would probably be coming back before feeding time was over, but just in case, whoever tried to open the door would get a mild electric shock and be knocked out for a few minutes, at the same time, the action would trigger a beeper hidden in her left braid, alerting her to their presence.

BB went straight to the far computer at the end of the room, which she knew to be the principal's. Giving the mouse a little shake, the screen lit up and, as she suspected, he had logged off.

She undid the 2nd knot in her right braid and produced another little gadget that she inserted into the data stick drive.

The computer winked out a few times, before a new, almost identical screen replaced the first.

'Login Name?' it asked.

'Administrator' she typed.

'Password?'

'Correct Password'

...'Access granted. Loading. Please Wait...'

She didn't have to wait too long. A clearly marked 'Student Records' file appeared in the bottom left corner of the desktop under another one labeled 'Dear Diary'

After printing out a few pages of the Diary for future use, she opened the Student Records and scrolled to the 'D's

Dib...

A faint buzz and thump from the door were followed by a little beeping in her left ear. Black Braids quickly scanned over the file page and hasitly wrote down the important bits, stuffing the sheet of printer paper in her pocket when she finished.

She logged off, took her gadget out from the drive and ran to the door, quickly removing the evidence of her presence from there as well.

It turned out to be the secretary who was the victim of her security system. BB dragged the chunky lady inside and opened her mouth, spraying a 'eu de alcohol' fragrance into it. Let the staff think she was drunk and passed out. No matter what she said a quick sniff of her breath would nullify her story.

Making sure no one else was around, Black Braids closed the door behind her and walked confidently down the hall, humming quietly to herself along the way. She entered the girls bathroom and did a quick sweep with her eyes. Empty.

...Or so it would seem to the untrained observer.

She hummed a bit more loudly.

A pair of feet suddenly appeared under the third stall and their owner exited. BB took the paper from her pocket and tore off the bottom corner of it, handing it over to the other who stood before her.

The other glanced at the writing before nodding, and stuffing the paper in their own pocket. BB nodded in return and left, humming a slightly different tune this time. The other waited a few minutes and, not hearing the tune change, stepped out as well.

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It was a little sunny out, and neither were too hungry, so Zim and Dib made their way toward the shade of a tree in the middle of an island (A/N: if you don't know what that is, an island is the word my highschool used for these big uplifted concrete thingies that had a lot of dirt in it, like a pot, only island shaped, plants and sometimes trees)

They stepped up and into the middle, Zim releasing Dib's hand to lean her back against the trunk. Dib plopped himself at its base and did the same, glancing up at her.

"Wouldn't you rather sit down?"

Zim sneered at him, "On the dirty...dirt floor?" she scoffed, "Are you seriously suggesting that Zim soil her bottom by placing it on the filthy ground?!"

She then looked thoughtful for a minute, before grinning and looking back at Dib.

"I know! Dib-beast! Take your coat off and lay it there. I'll sit on that instead!" Zim nodded, pleased at the brilliantness of her genious mind.

Dib frowned and was about to protest, but grinned wickedly instead. "I have a better idea..."

The boy reached up and grabbed the Irken's hips, pulling her down and into his lap.

Zim blinked, then glared at him, "Hey!"

Dib, who was a whole head taller than she was, leaned over the invader, grinning the Cheshire cat grin he seemed to have adopted so recently, and brought his face down to meet hers.

"What?" he breathed huskily, slipping his arms around her waist, bringing the Irken closer until their lips were almost touching, "Something wrong?"

Zim's eyes widened considerably. Her cheeks felt as if they were on fire and her lips tingled as the heat of Dib's breath blew across them.

She swallowed thickly, "Uh...n-nothing's wrong! I-It's just..." her heart was pounding in her antennae under her wig and her thoughts were having a hard time forming themselves on her tongue, "Just..._warn_ me next time you do something like that..." It was all Zim could think of to say. She found herself captivated by the boy's beautiful honey colored eyes, so big and bright this close to her. She couldn't tear her gaze away from them.

Dib laughed then, closing his eyes as he did so and pulling back to lean against the tree once more, breaking the spell.

Zim blinked away the lingering traces of gold that were now hidden behind the boy's eyelids, and glared at him again.

"What's so funny human worm-monkey?! You dare laugh at your master? YOU DARE?!"

Dib's laugh softened to a chuckle. He looked amusedly at the still blushing alien, "Don't you mean 'Mistress' Zim?"

A thin stream of sweat ran down Zim's forehead, "Er...YES! Yes, of course, Mistress! That's what I meant! You dare laugh at your--"

Dib had leaned in close again, and Zim snapped her mouth shut, feeling the blood boil in her face.

"It's just so easy and so much fun to get you worked up, Zim! And besides, did I ever tell you how cute you are when you're angry?"

Zim what speechless. What could she say to that? Well, what could she say to that without getting worked up all over again and proving his point?

The decision was made for her when she felt Dib's hand on the back of her head, pulling it down to rest on his chest. Zim was still slightly in shock when he began stroking her hair; gentle, soothing motions that, combined with the warm sunny day, lulled the Irken into a lazy daze. Normally, she didn't like others touching her, but she didn't find contact with Dib repulsive at all. His fingers left a tingling warmth wherever they stroked, something she'd never experienced before. The feel of his fingers running along her hair was almost hypnotic, and she found her eyes drifting shut. Zim curled up in Dib's lap and let her eyes close, lessening her other senses to more fully enjoy his touch. (Although she did wonder in the back of her mind what was the surprising firmness under his pants)

Dib grinned and perched his head atop of hers, allowing himself a contented chuckle. He liked having this kind of power over Zim. While watching her squirm nervously was always fun, _this_ reaction was pretty nice too. Who knew working with his enemy would turn out this good? He looked up and let his eyes wander over the school grounds.

Beyond the traffic of bodies, he noticed a girl with yellow pigtails talking with a group of jocks. He recognized her as one of Shirley's bunch. They kept looking over at the spot he and Zim were occupying, and Dib felt an uncomfortable sense of foreboding decend upon him. Still, what was the worst that could happen? Torque had legally declared him 'cool' so those guys wouldn't be coming over to beat him up or take his spot would they? Or maybe it had all been an act? Had they just pretended to accept him as part of some cruel joke? Would they wait until he was alone and jump him? Then again, what if it was Zim they were after? That girl Shirley had shown an interest in him and Zim had not so nicely told her he was taken. If she wanted revenge on her for that, would these guys do it for her? Is that what her lackey was asking them to do?

Dib hugged Zim's body tighter as a startling rush of primitive, masculine possessiveness flowed through him. _Nobody_ was hurting _his_ alien!

Dib blinked, confused at these new emotions and the thoughts that came with them, and shook his head, "I'm probably just being paranoid. What with 'When everything's coming your way you know you're in the wrong lane' and all. I'm on this unbelievable good luck streak and all I can do is wait for reality to run me over."

He then noticed Shirley herself, sitting and chatting with a few other girls that were also from her normal group. He counted them. Three others were there with her and Yellow Pig Tails had now moved on to talk to some guys from the school band. Where were the other two?

As if feeling his eyes upon her, Shirley stopped talking and turned her head to look straight at him.

She smiled.

Dib gulped nervously under her feral gaze, forcing out a shy smile in return before quickly becoming highly interested in a bug crawling across the grass near his tree.

When he felt the hairs on his neck fall back into place and knew she was no longer looking at him, Dib returned his attention to the now lightly dozing Irken in his lap. He relaxed instantly as he gazed upon the alien, so sweet and innocent looking in sleep. He shook his head again. Life certainly becomes very interesting whenever Zim was involved. Dib sighed and lay his head back against the tree, deciding a nap might do him some good as well.

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Red Curls stopped in front of the little gray house and pulled the piece of paper out of her pocket, checking the address again. Satisfied that they matched, she took out her cell and dialled the phone number also listed on the paper.

She listened to it ring inside the house 10 times before deciding no one was home. She walked up to the door and pulled out a little rolled up pouch that contained various little lock pick equipment and started to work.

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The end of the day bell rang. Shirley stepped out along with the rest of the crowd and casually made her way to the park. Her troops were already waiting for her, sitting around on a blanket, looking- to the rest of the world- like they were getting ready to have a picnic. She stopped and stood before them, asking them a silent question with her eyes.

They nodded. The area was secure, and they had each been successful in their missions.

She sat down.

"Number 3, Report!"

Yellow Pig Tails brought out a pink fluffy notebook from her purse, and flipped to the proper section.

"The word around school is that Zim's a foreign kid with a skin condition, one that makes her skin look green and left her with no nose and no ears. She and Dib used to fight all the time ever since they first met in 5th grade. Dib's been known to rant and rave about weird stuff, like abominable snowmen using his belt sander in his garage and stuff, so when he started telling everyone that Zim was an alien, they just ignored him. They think Zim's crazy too. She often talks to herself and stands on tables and stuff and yells at everyone."

Shirley nodded, "So these two got a history together, eh? Just my luck they're both loony weirdos. Remind me to dump that loser right after I win the contest...Number 2?"

Black Braids produced a folded up sheet of printer paper from her pocket, bottom left corner missing, and opened it.

"Subject Dib is straight 'A' student; or would be if he'd hand in all assignments on time and completed. Reasons for failure to do so range from 'Yeti sequestration' to 'Saving the world from Alien Invasion'. Subject has been reported to principals office for repeatedly causing disruptions in class and been sent several times to the 'Crazy House for Boys'. Has one younger sibling, female type, named Gaz, and a Proffessor Membrane as his father. No mother is listed on file. Subject is classified under 'disturbed-trouble-maker' "

"Okay, so he's a smart loony weirdo. Number 1?"

Red Curls was sitting cross-legged at the right side of Miss Sunshine, twisting a lock of hair boredly in her finger until she was acknowledged. The girl stopped then, and looked knowingly around the circle of girls until her gaze fell on her commander.

"I went to the boy, Dib's, house and found some pretty interesting things in his room."

She reached a hand down the front of her blouse and handed a sealed envelope out to her leader, "I took pictures from pages of his journal, the files on his computer, and also managed to swipe some of his own pictures he took from a shoe-box under his bed. I highly doubt he'll notice though. His room is buried in pictures."

"Of what?"

Red Curls smirked, "Aliens."

Shirley grimaced, "What? Are these blurry photos of paper plates he threw in the air or something?"

RC smirked wider, "Or something."

"...Okay, whatever...so what did you find at Zim's house?"

RC shrugged, "I didn't go there."

"What?! Why not?!"

"Didn't have to." She gestured at the still sealed envelope. "Open it. You'll see what I mean."

Shirley eyed her strangely and then the envelope. Shrugging, she tore it open and slid its contents into her hand. She looked at them for a few minutes, her look of confusion turning into an ever widening sadistic grin as she went through the stack. She stopped at one specific picture. In it was a very irritated looking green alien with huge red eyes, a pair of antennae on it's otherwise bald head, and standing next to it was a little android in what appeared to be a poorly made green dog suit.

She giggled softly, brought the photo to eye level and purred, "Looks like we're ready to move onto phase 2 of Operation Dib Snatcher."

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End Chapter 4!

The usual thanks to my proofreaders of course, you should know who they are by now. I'm also letting you know that 99.9 percent of the funny comments in parenthesis are courtesy of Proofreader Celestial Star, while Pinky Pseudonym makes sure I keep the characters as IC as possible while still being OOC, if that makes sense...

I said I was using the 50 review thing as an excuse to be lazy right? Sorry if I scared any of my HARDCORE fans out there. Wasn't aware I had any. I think I should thank them now...THANK YOOOOU! Especially Machi, OniHime, and All Apologies. :D

I also went back and added a little to Zim's reaction in the last part of chapter 3, in case anyone wants to go back and re-read that.

I notice I've been neglecting GIR and Gaz. I'll try to work them into later chapters, but it still won't be much.

Also apologize if I offended iEATfood, but you know how people tend to exaggerate on things and cultures they don't understand. But I _had_ heard that some cultures were like that, at least they were a long time ago, and that if the women left the house uncovered, it was legal to shoot them. That might just have been exaggeration on the other person I heard it from's part though...

Hee-hee, I got called a human worm beast! That's just awesome! I feel like I've just been officially inducted into the Invader Zim fandom!So thank you ramenloverGoten for that! : D


	5. Escape of the Cake Monster!

Chapter 5: Escape of the Cake Monster!

The alien-paranormal investigator pair walked to Zim's eerie house. The dance was now only 3 days away, and they had yet to test out Zim's dance implanting technology.

As Zim opened the 'men's room' door she was instantly tackled by a hyperactive robot slave, Dib's arm around her waist the only thing holding her up.

"HEEELP! HELP ME, MASTER! THE CAKE MONSTER ESCAPED AND TRIED TO EAT ME! HE ATE THE COUCH AND PIGGY AND THE TV AND--"

He caught sight of Dib, "Hee-hee. The Dib worm followed you home! Can we keep him, Master?! Huh, can we, huh, can we, huh huh huh?!"

Dib bit back a laugh as he watched Zim pry GIR from her neck.

"Ugh! NO, GIR!" she held the robot at arm's length by its single antenna, "The Dib is only staying long enough to practice for the dance! And what is this 'Cake Monster' nonsense of which you speak?"

GIR pointed back into the house and the fleshipods looked over his shoulder.

It seemed the android had used too much yeast. The oven had exploded, the cake mix had flowed out and it seemed to have swallowed up the living room.

A muffled 'oink' was heard from nearby.

Zim's left eye twitched.

Now Dib did laugh.

"Hahaha! Looks like we got our work cut out for us! Come on, Zim, I'll help you clean up."

Zim followed Dib into the house, muttering darkly under her breath about so-called advanced units needing to be scrapped.

She deposited GIR on the blob that resembled a couch, and made her way to the 'kitchen' side of the ground level, the goo sucking on her boots like quicksand until Zim lost both of them, and was forced to continue barefoot.

"Ick!" Zim didn't particularly care for the sloppy feeling that the stuff gave as it squished between her toes. She stopped halfway and debated whether or not to go back for the boots when she was suddenly lifted off her feet, and cradled in a pair of trench coat sleeve covered arms.

Dib didn't wait for Zim to protest, and merely trudged the rest of the way to the sink, his own boots somehow still miraculously attached.

Setting the Irken down on a relatively goo free portion of the sink, he opened up the bottom drawers and rummaged around for the cleaning utensils they would need.

Zim watched him curiously as he worked, wondering whether to scold the human for treating her mighty Invader self like a mere smeet, or whether to feel smug that he'd worried so much about her discomfort.

The debate ended when he shoved a bucket and sponge into her lap.

"What's this?" Zim demanded.

Dib rolled his eyes, "Duh, they're to clean the mess. We'll start with the walls so whatever drips fall on the floor and we'll do that last."

"Why should _I_ have to clean this? It was GIR who made the mess! _That horrible robot_ should clean it up!"

Dib, his own sponge and bucket now in hand, looked over into the living room where the SIR unit was bouncing on the couch shaped blob along with another pig shaped blob that squealed on every bounce.

"You sure you can trust him to handle it?"

Zim watched her robot slave suddenly sink into the couch blob after coming down from one of his jumps, and shoot back out via a broken seat spring, effectively impaling his head into the ceiling.

GIR's little mechanical legs kicked wildly, "I'M A CEILING FAN!" he proclaimed.

Zim sighed in defeat and started scooping cake mix into the bucket.

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Luckily, Zim's garbage disposal was just that, and not some poorly disguised elevator or other such thing. They removed most of the gunk from the kitchen walls before deciding it would be easier to move around without mucking through the slop. Dib cleared a small area on the floor for Zim to stand on, and continued working on his side.

After a while, Dib became exhausted, having done most of the work, and decided to take a break. His eyes instantly searched for Zim. They found her on hands and knees, facing away from him, scrubbing at a stubborn bit of goo on the floor.

Dib watched Zim's bottom bob enticingly as she scrubbed, and a powerful, primal urge descending upon him.

He couldn't resist.

Zim yelped as she felt something wet and sticky smack her tush, and fell face first into the goo.

She picked herself up and turned angrily towards Dib. The human was laughing and tossing up another ball of mix tauntingly in the air.

"Hehe! Gotchya!"

Zim scooped up her own blob and smirked at her opponent, "So, you wanna play, do you? You are a fool to challenge the great ZIM, puny earth monkey! Prepare to meet your DOO--OOF!"

"HA! Gotcha again! You gotta be faster than that Zi--mmph!"

And so the great cake mix fight began!

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_Hours later... _

GIR had dislodged himself and eaten most of the cake mix by now, the walls were still covered with recently flung balls of goo. The flingers were silent except for each others laboured breath, held at the standstill between two determined rivals that could only be brought on by complete and total exhaustion.

"Truce?" panted Dib, who for some reason was hanging upside down from a ceiling fan (the real one).

"Hehe...I'll spare...you this time...Dib-monkey...so yeah...truce" said Zim, crawling out from her fortress under the overturned couch, and sprawled on her back so as to not breathe in the goo on the carpet.

The fan blade that had been Dib's perch suddenly snapped and the boy fell head-first onto the couch. From there he fell again, this time landing flat on top of Zim.

"Oof!" they said.

Dib groaned and tried to rub the sore spot on his head, but found that his arm control nerve wasn't in the mood for taking orders right then. So he just lay where he was, and tried to catch his breath.

Zim grunted under him, "Get...OFF...stink beast!"

"Can't" he said, and demonstrated by pushing himself up a millimetre on shaky limbs, before they gave out and dropped him back down.

"_ROLL_ off!"

Dib had landed on Zim so that their heads were next together and ended likewise with their legs. He smirked into the alien's carpet.

"I don't know, Zim." his breath was returning to him, "I kind of like you like this..."

"Well, I don't!" she squirmed uncomfortably, "Ugh, I'm all gooey!"

"No problem. I'll help clean you up..."

Zim gasped as she felt Dib's tongue scrape across her neck. She turned her head in an attempt to get a better look at him.

"What are you--"he licked some cake mix off her cheek, licking his lips sensuously as he did so.

Zim shivered, looking up into the hungry eyes of her captor. "Mmm, you're delicious, Zim!" he lowered his lips until they brushed Zim's collar bone "Mind if I taste you?"

Without waiting for an answer, Dib started nibbling.

Zim still wasn't strong enough to force the boy off, and after a while, wasn't entirely sure she wanted to.

The worm baby was very thorough in the grooming of his partner, making sure he went over every inch of uncovered skin before moving on the next. Zim eyes fluttered shut and she whimpered, unconsciously tilting her head to provide him better access.

He had just worked his way up to Zim's jaw line, when the alien felt him stop and pull away. She opened her eyes and looked dazedly up at him.

"Since when do you wear perfume, Zim?" he asked.

It took a second to process the question in her fuddled head, "Perfume?" and another to take notice of the heady sweet fragrance that must've prompted his asking.

Upon recognizing the scent, Zim's eyes bugged out, her cheeks suddenly taking on a lovely eggplant purple hue. Oh Tallest! She was releasing--

"Pheromones..."

Dib squinted a curious eye at that, the expression quickly turning into a savagely evil grin when comprehension dawned on him.

"Pheromones? Really?..."

Zim's mind raced with panic. If Dib had looked hungry before, he was ravenous now!

"Ph-Ph-Pharaoh...Monies! The n-n-name of the perfume I--"

"If it's really a store bought bottle of volatile liquid from distilled flowers," his face inched nearer to hers with every word, "Then why am I only smelling it now?"

"Um, err, you-you w-weren't this close b-before...and-and-and..."

Zim's voice trailed off, Dib's face hovering dangerously closer.

"Don't believe you..."

The fragrance seemed to double in strength now. Dib let it wash over him, the intoxicating sweetness, added to his now shivering prey's vulnerability, and was slowly driving the boy insane.

Dib stared at a little smear of mix on Zim's upper lip. His gaze lifted up into Zim's eyes, and then back down again. She knew it was there, and what Dib planned to do about it. Zim shut her eyes tight and waited, waited for him to--

"Eeep!"

Squeak like a moose? No, that wasn't what she was waiting for.

Zim opened her eyes to see Dib's own shut tight and biting his lips, trying hard not to laugh.

She let her gaze travel down the length of his body to where GIR was licking his feet free of mix, the boy's boots having come off at sometime during the fight.

Dib was to the point of tears now, some muffled giggles and a bit of blood seeping from between his lips.

"GIR!" said Zim, "Stop that!"

Her faithful little S.I.R unit looked up from his task, goo covered tongue hanging limply to one side, "But I wanna help too!" the robot slave giggled, "I wanna clean the Dib like he's cleaning Master!"

Zim looked accusingly at the boy as if to say "It's your own fault". Dib merely shrugged and smiled helplessly, at ease now that he wasn't being tickled anymore. Giving Zim one last disappointed look over, he rolled off and managed to sit up, losing the android in the process.

Zim finding herself able to move as well, did the same.

"Hehe, looks like we got a little side tracked, huh?" Dib straightened his crooked glasses as he posed his question.

"_We_?!" asked Zim, trying desperately to seem cool and unfazed by recent events, "_You_ started it!"

"And _you_ finished it."

Zim preened, "Of course! I couldn't exactly let you get away with assaulting me like that! I had to teach you a lesson, vile stink creature!"

"Riiiiiiight," Dib rolled his eyes. Just then his watch started beeping. Amazed the thing still worked he looked at it, "Wow, I hadn't realized how late it's gotten. I need to get home." He stood up then, and looked down Zim.

"I'm sorry we never got to try out your dance machine thingy, but we still got time. We could do it tomorrow, if GIR doesn't conjure up anymore pastry monsters."

"And of course, you're leaving me to clean this up _all _by myself, aren't you?"

"You know I wouldn't do that to you, Zim." Dib said fondly, as he reached down to grab the Irken's hand and help her to her feet, "I'll come by early tomorrow and help you finish up, okay?"

"If I get any more _help _from you, I'll never finish!"

Dib chuckled, "Still, you had to admit that was fun."

"Yeah, well...I still want to get this over with before morning."

"You sure you don't want my help?" Dib smiled seductively, slowly pulling her towards him.

"Positive," Zim quickly freed her hand and flipped him around before that odd squishy feeling in her stomach could convince her otherwise, and shoved him towards the door, "Now hurry up and leave so I get started on this mess!"

She opened it and pushed him out, slamming the door before he could get a word in edgewise.

Dib stumbled and fell, was caught by the lawn gnomes and unceremoniously tossed onto the sidewalk. Despite skidding on his rear and dropping his glasses, he had a huge grin plastered on his face. Having located and replaced his spectacles on his nose, Dib stood up and composed himself enough not to skip the rest of the way to his house. When he arrived he opened the door to find Gaz's back to him, sitting on the sofa and flipping randomly through channels, eating her seventh slice of Pizza Hog's pizza.

"You're late, Dib." She said without turning to look at him, "Did you bring the soda?"

Dib admitted that he hadn't. They had run out the day before and he had promised to get more on his way back to school.

Gaz slowly lowered the remote control and without turning her head said, "You realize I have to doom you now, don't you?"

Dib chuckled, "Hehe, yeah, I guess you're right."

Now she did turn to him, the joviality in the acceptance of his punishment disturbed her.

"What are you so happy about?" she challenged, "Did you get laid or something?"

Dib flushed, "Gah-az!"

His violet haired sibling laughed and smirked at him, "Geez, I was just kidding! As if that could ever happen to _you_!"

Dib glared at her for a moment, before smirking himself, "Not yet anyway..."

Gaz stared in confusion as Dib made his way triumphantly up the stairs to his room and closed the door behind him. After listening to him start to whistle a silly little tune, she finally snorted, deciding not to ask about the questionable substance that had decorated his clothing hair, abandoning her brother to his dillusions. She turned back to her channel surfing and bit savagely into another slice of pizza. She'd doom him tomorrow.

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Zim pressed his back against the door, sighing in relief that the Dib, along with the coiling heat that had been building in his belly, was gone.

_That was close!_

Everything had been all fun and good up until the goo fight, and while he really didn't want to clean the rest of the base by himself...

Zim raised shaky fingers to dip at the base of his neck, thought about how the human's tongue had stroked there; how his touch had burned his skin, but in a good way. He had wanted to feel that burn all over his body; the thought of the boy's adventurous lips, where they would go, what they would do and what it might lead to...it had been all he could do to keep his 'secret' from slipping out, let alone his pheromones.

"I...hadn't expected any of this to happen...nor my reactions to him. He's an inferior stinkbeast! _I_ am the conqueror here! So why does he suddenly have such...such _influence_ over me? An elite member of my race such as myself shouldn't be at all attracted to lowly human worm babies! Especially not my sworn nemesis! Even if we **are** currently working together under a truce..."

But while said worm baby had none of the magnificence of an Irken, he still had to admit he was certainly pleasant enough to look at...

Normally, Zim would have ruthlessly suppressed any hint of emotion or desire. Irkens did not allow themselves to experience such things; instead they channelled their energies into honing their bodies and invading skills. Their supremacy depended on their fierceness and utter lack of mercy when facing their enemies! But the Dib was his partner for now, and maybe later, if all went well, Zim might be able to convince him to join his in the mission. Hadn't he read somewhere or other that the safest and surest way to destroy an enemy was to make him your ally? He had dismissed it as nonsense at the time, but was now beginning to comprehend the truth of it, of how much simpler things would be to have him _helping_ him instead of being a constant distraction and foiling his painstakingly thought out plans!

Not that he wouldn't be a distraction to him then as well though...maybe even more so.

"...I suppose that I'll just have to remember to be more careful in future..._interactions_ with the Dib." he concluded.

A high pitched squeal distracted Zim from his thoughts. He looked over to GIR who was on the TV 'cleaning' his piggy now. Zim flinched at the disturbing noises his methods elicited from it.

He then took a look at the work he had ahead of him and sighed again. It was gonna be a long night.

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End Chapter 5!

Okay, some people are getting confused, so let me clear things up.

Zim is a GUY. He is a guy PRETENDING to be a GIRL. Dib does not know this...yet : D

I had tried to remind everyone of the fact last chapter with the whole "Master" "Mistress" thing, but...oh well.

Woot! Got more new readers! 'Sup Pancake and Metrion! Welcome to mah fic! But I am confused as to the meaning of LYEKOMGWTF. I know what OMG and WTF mean, but LYEK? Wazzat? Oo?

Ack! Please don't cry! Here, Look! Look! Updates! Happy now? Yes? Good, and if not...pooh on you! Oh, and thanks for the fave! : D

Now, for those of you who were hoping this wouldn't turn into a slashy ZADR, this is probably as slash happy as it's gonna get, as I don't do lemons. For those of you who _were _hoping for one, go read a lemony section from some other ficcy and pretend that it happened here too before Dib left or whatever.

And for those of you who were wondering what the bad girls are gonna do,the trouble starts in the next chapter! >: -D

Also, my proofreader PP has just told me she's going camping for 2 weeks, so updates will be a little later in coming than usual.


	6. What if we team up?

Chapter 6: What If We Teamed Up? 

Zim lay on his now recognizable goo-free couch. He'd taken is cleansing gel shower and changed into one of the other outfits he'd bought at Pretty Pretty's; a black pair of low-rider jeans and a lavender cotton shirt with a ribbon tied at the base of its v-neck. Finally remembering that his house could clean itself, he'd left it to do that while he showered and then worked on the finishing touches to his Dance Machine. GIR had found and brought home a little squirrel friend that had been the perfect test subject! Soon after successfully downloading the Macarena into its nut loving brain, the guinea pig/squirrel and GIR had been apprehended and thrown out before any major damage to Zim's lab (and nervous system) could be wrought.

_At least I know it works!_ he thought. _And I've already installed a voice command security feature to control the act until it is needed and automatically shut off after the first song._

Although Irkens didn't need much sleep, Zim was still pretty tired.

He was going to rest his eyes, just for a second, he told himself, and had soon fallen asleep.

He was later startled awake by a sudden warmth pressed upon his lips.

Dib pulled away, looking mischievously down on him, "Morning, Sleeping Beauty. Hope I didn't keep you waiting for me _too_ long."

Zim blushed and became angry. How could he have let the human sneak up on him like that? What would his leaders say if they could see how lax he'd gotten?

"How did you get in with out me knowing?!" he demanded, "I specifically remember locking that door!"

Dib pointed behind him, "Window."

Zim brought his arm over his eyes and groaned. GIR must've come back sometime after he'd fallen asleep and left it open. That horrible little robot! When would he learn to stop compromising security?!

It was then that he noticed Dib's attire...or rather lack thereof.

Dib noticed him noticing and blushed. He was wearing a towel around his mid-drift, and nothing else.

"Eh... you're probably wondering what I'm doing wandering around your base in a towel... long story short, this morning I woke up and took a shower. When I came back to my room there was a note stuck to my bed from Gaz, saying that if I failed to bring the soda today, I'd never get my clothes back. My closet and dressers are empty. I came here hoping I could get into your pants..." Seeing the look the invader was giving him, he flashed him (another smile!), "Or _fit_ into your pants, rather. Whichever one works for you... Do you still have those Tripp jeans and shirt from Monday?"

* * *

A few minutes later the two exited Zim's house, Dib feeling just a bit awkward that the pants were about a hand span above his ankles, but it was better than the towel at least.

_Well, I_ did _say I'd wear my enemy's clothes one day..._

There was still half an hour before school started. They found an unoccupied bench/table and were about to sit down when they heard someone call out to Zim.

"Zim! Hey, Zim, over here!" A plain looking girl with brown hair was waving cheerily and came over to stand before them.

She grinned at the green girl, "Wow, Zim, you look great! Say, a couple of my friends and I were wondering if you could come talk with us and give us a few fashion tips!" Seeing the invader's doubtful look, she added, "We all just _know_ you're going to win the dance contest, so we'd like to get a head start in being like you! Oh, won't you _please_ help us?!"

Zim preened visibly, "Of course you do! And I commend you on having such foresight! Of course the Great Zim will do this favor for you and your little worm baby friends! A leader must keep his...or, _her_ subjects happy, so I can't deny such a small request!" she turned to Dib, "You will stay here and wait for my return, Dib-worm! Sit! Stay!"

Dib rolled his eyes. _What was he, a pet? _"Fine." Then, before she could react, grabbed the invader's shoulders and pulled her into him.

_If Zim wants to show off... I've got a few tricks too__! _"I'll just take a little something to tide me over until then..." and dived for her lips. Zim stiffened against this latest invasion and did nothing at first, but recovered quickly, obviously irritated that she'd let the Dib get to her again; she'd show the human who the invader was around here!

Dib opened his eyes suddenly, a bit startled to feel Zim start kissing him back. That was a first. So his little alien was finally catching on, huh?

_Let's see her keep up..._

Zim had gotten used to the pressure on her mouth, but the something sliding across her lips was new. New and oddly titillating. When she gasped, Dib took advantage of her parted lips, darting his tongue inside and exploring. He wondered in the back of his mind when he'd become so daring, especially since he'd never kissed anyone before, let alone frenched. He'd heard others talking about it and had a fair idea of how it worked, but being the social recluse that he was; you'd think he'd be a bit timid and awkward when partaking in such activities for the first time. Heck, with the rest of the world, maybe he would be, but it just felt so...natural with Zim, so right! But that couldn't be right could it?

Before he could argue with himself about it, Zim's knees buckled and she fell against him, throwing her arms around his neck to keep from falling completely. Dib staggered with the sudden shift in weight and the lip lock was lost, leaving the two flushed and a bit bewildered, a faint sweet scent lingering in the air around them.

Dib looked down at his irken, dazedly thinking how he'd been doing this sort of thing with more frequency and in between shorter intervals as time went on, becoming bolder with each encounter. He wondered if he should be worried that it didn't bother really him...

Zim still hadn't let him go, and Dib had no desire to ask her to.

An awkward clearing of someone's throat behind them, though, reminded them of the business at hand.

Dib reluctantly released his hold on the invader, but she still clung to him, a peculiar determined expression in her eyes. Zim suddenly shot up and kissed him again, a swift peck on his lips, then quickly released the boy before he could reciprocate. A confused Dib watched as Zim smugly strutted towards the waiting brunette.

"Let's go!"

Dib sat on the bench and watched them leave. Zim looked over her shoulder once, winked at the boy and added a very noticeable swagger to the sway of her hips. Dib was still trying to figure out what had happened, when a sense of doom from behind sent a chill down his spine.

"Hello, Dib," it said, "Mind if I sit here?"

Dib turned to face the newcomer. "Uh... actually, that's-"

"Thanks!" Shirley sat down across from him and propped her elbows on the table, resting her chin in cupped hands.

"So you and Zim are partners now, huh?"

Dib raised an eyebrow, suspecting her sudden arrival so soon after Zim's departure was not a coincidence. "Uh... yes?"

"You don't sound too sure about that."

He furrowed his brow. What was this girl getting at?

"I mean," she continued, "Why would you be working with an alien bent on enslaving the human race anyway?"

Warning sirens and red flags went off in Dib's head, he gaped in shock at the girl sitting before him. _How could she_ _possibly know that?!_

And then, instantly he saw his error. She _couldn't_ know! She was just guessing! Everyone knew about Dib's constant proclamation's that Zim was an alien and all. She was probably just humoring him! Maybe she thought that by doing so she could... make him do...

What?

But her question _did_ cause a brain gear to click. Why _was _he working with Zim? He had told himself in the beginning it was for mutual benefit; while Zim would gain ground in her mission, so would Dib in his. His life would improve at the cost of a more influential enemy, but they'd still be playing on the same level. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that Shirley mentioned it, as long as Dib became popular, why did it have to be Zim who became popular with him? He'd never thought about asking another girl to go, seeing as how he hadn't planned to go at all, but then Zim had-

Dib stopped his train of thought and brought it back to the present. He worked with his gape, knowing it was too late to hide his surprise and improvised, "You honestly _believe_ that? It was just a joke! You know, her having a skin condition and all. I was just... having fun with her!" (He'd been having a _different_ sort of fun with her lately, but no need to tell Shirley that...)

Her expression didn't change, "You seem to take your fun pretty seriously... Following her home after school every day, spying on her, even spending time and money setting traps to capture her?"

Dib couldn't stop an involuntary twitch. This was bad... but whatever mind tricks she wanted to play with him, Dib was game.

"So I had a crush on her, alright? You know, the typical 'If you like someone let them know by teasing and pestering them' type deal. Besides, like I said, it was fun! So I sort of stalked her for a while, so what? She didn't seem to mind too much..."

Shirley raised an eyebrow, "So the laser shooting lawn gnomes on her front yard would be...?"

"She's very paranoid. About everyone. They'd shoot you too if you came close enough."

Shirley nodded, "I see her dog seems to have the same skin condition too," the corners of her mouth tugged up slightly, "or should I say 'robot'? You don't hear too many puppies go 'clank-clank' when they run..."

Dib could feel himself starting to sweat a little now. "Hehe... yeah. She's inventive isn't she? Her parents wouldn't let her have a real dog, so she built one instead! Sure, it's not that bright, but it's cute isn't it?."

Shirley smiled wide now, deciding the game had gone on long enough and moved in for the kill. She got up and leaned in close to Dib, lips a hair's breath from his ear. "Cut the crap, Dib." she whispered sweetly, "I know all about her mannequins on wheels for 'parents' and I've seen her without her wig and contacts on. I know she's got little feelers coming out of her skull and her eyes are red with no pupils. She's an alien, Dib, and both you and I know it."

She pulled back, pleased to see she'd broken though the boy's poker face and 'won' the game.

Dib was having a hard time keeping his panic under control. _"WHY!?"_ he wanted to cry out.All his life he'd have given ANYTHING to have someone on his side, an ally against a dangerous enemy, a confirmation of his reality, that he wasn't crazy! How incredibly frustrating! His panic suddenly changed to anger as he continued to look at her smug face. _"WHY NOW?! WHERE WERE YOU_ _A MONTH AGO? DAMMIT!"_

But he couldn't say it. His fists clenched tightly at his sides, and his tone became low and menacing, "What do you want?"

Shirley giggled, "Down, boy! I'm not here to threaten you! I want to help." she cupped her chin in her hands again, "Knowing the history between you two; I'm guessing you're not a willing participant in this little pairing, am I right? She must have some major blackmail material to force you to pretend to enjoy this."

Dib could feel his face grow warmer... and not from his anger.

She tilted her head then, "...or maybe you're not pretending? You certainly could've fooled me after that little display of affection just now. Fraternizing with an attractive enemy can sometimes lead astray the most devoted of souls, you know, and I must admit Zim's appearance is much improved. Have you really fallen for her, Dib?"

Dib's realized his jaw hurt from clenching his teeth so tightly. This girl was freaking him out, big time. Where was she getting her information from? They'd only just met less than a week ago! How could she already know so much about him and Zim? And how could she be so...so...

Dib forced himself to relax his tense muscles. He tried awkwardly running a hand through his hair, his composure lying cracked and broken in the hands of a mad woman. Or maybe a witch. Despite her claim to wanting to help him, he felt strongly reluctant to accept it. She had a definite 'Goddess of Doom' aura, something he recognized from living with his sister. She seemed _much _more dangerous than Zim.

_Zim..._

Dib decided to consider her question honestly._ Had _he fallen for his enemy? He'd convinced himself it had all been part of the game until then. The flirting was just a new way of taunting the alien, of intimidation! It was certainly effective in cutting off her rants and deflating her ego. She'd babble and forget what she was talking about, or shut up entirely, leaving Dib in total control of the situation. He'd never had that kind of power before. Everyone was always putting him down, pushing him around, never letting him forget his place in the pecking order, and now he'd been lifted up the ladder and had a taste of what it was like being on top! Plus this was his enemy! Having his nemesis, who was always going on about how superior she was to him and his race, become so submissive and docile under him was a huge ego trip! That and Zim's appearance really _had_ improved with the whole makeover thing, but something told Dib it wasn't just lust. Okay, so there was a little sexual chemistry between them, but then... why was he trying to protect her? Covering up for her? Here, _finally_, was someone who believed him! Someone who didn't think he was crazy for calling Zim an alien, was even offering to help him!

So why did he suddenly not want to be believed?

Dib realized she was still staring at him, waiting for an answer.

"I... I can't really dance." There was no point in hiding the truth. She'd know. How she'd know, he could only guess, but he might be able to figure that out later. " The thing in the cafeteria was an accident. Zim has a machine that's supposed to download dancing talent and technique into our brains... I'm guessing it works along the same lines as the program they had in that movie about the Matrix or something..."

Now that he had said it out loud, the idea seemed incredibly silly and improbable. While she had a lot of advanced alien technology, Dib doubted Zim's race had learned to cross dimensions... and that was assuming the theory was valid...

But Shirley didn't laugh at him, she merely nodded. "So your plan is to play with your food until your meal ticket is cashed, eh?" She smiled and leaned a little closer to him, "And have you thought about who your new partner will be once she's out of the picture?"

Dib blinked. That hadn't been his plan at all. In fact, he realized he hadn't _planned_ a plan at all. He'd gotten so comfortable with the whole situation that whatever would happen _afterwards _hadn't crossed his mind.

And now that it had...

Dib felt his insides twist inside of him. He knew Zim was still going to conquer the world, and he knew it was still his job to stop her. He'd always known. So why hadn't it occurred to him to betray her while under pretense of truce? A week ago, he wouldn't have given it a second thought, but now...What would he have done when the dance was over if he had no plan? Zim was probably already planning on betraying _him _for all the human knew, and yet he couldn't really bring himself to believe it. He was only fooling himself, of course. Zim hadn't changed. Her mission hadn't changed. _Nothing_ had changed!

Except for himself. He'd become blind, and he had to get back the upper hand before it was too late! To save mankind! To save himself! Even if it had taken this devil woman to point it out to him... maybe he should listen to what else she had to say.

But...

"It's not that simple." Dib ran another anxious hand through his hair again, "Zim's not the best at what she does, but she's no pushover. If she was, I would've captured and exposed her a long time ago."

"That was when you were working alone though," Shirley leaned forward on her elbows and grinned slyly at the boy, "What if we teamed up?"

End Chapter 6!

I apologize for the loooong wait! Like I said, my proofreader's been gone to camp where there were no computers and she just got back and stuff! She hasn't gotten around to it, but I've decided to post this anyway!

Welcome Piale and Hiro No Tsuki! Thanks for the reviews!

Aww, you guys are such flatterers! And I love ShikamaruNoMiko's reviews! So long and she notices all the little details that I work into the ficcy. I just hope I can continue to be worthy of such lovely praise! : D


	7. Closing the Deal

Chapter 7: Closing the Deal

"Eh?"

"My girls are top of the line hackers! I plan to have them follow you and be present at the download to get the sequence of lever pulling and button pushing. If it works, I'm going to make myself an appointment!" Shirley grinned wickedly before continuing, "What I need you to do is distract Zim. Get her far away from wherever it is the Dance Machine is and _keep_ her away! We won't need more than probably an hour, tops."

"Should we really be talking about this right now?" Dib scanned behind himself nervously, "Zim could come back any-"

"I gave my team specific instructions to keep her busy for 30 minutes. We still have 10, so lighten up!" Dib looked doubtful, but shut up nonetheless. "Now, when is the download taking place?"

"Er," Dib rubbed the back of his head, "We were supposed to have done it last night but..." he blushed embarrassedly now at the memory, "never got around to it...we're gonna try again today though. After school's over and granted her robot hasn't created any new crises."

"Oh yes, the GIR unit...it is a bit accident prone isn't it? We'll take care of it."

"You...you're not gonna hurt him are you?"

"We're not going to _destroy_ it, if that's what you mean." She said off-handedly "Live specimens would be more valuable than dead ones."

Dib ignored the switch from singular to plural and swallowed down the fast rising bile before replying, "Going through an awful lot of trouble for a cheap plastic tiara, aren't you?"

"We're all in this for our own reasons. As long as the objective is achieved, who cares why?" Her face hardened then, "I can't promise anything, though. We're professionals, the mission and my girl's safety comes first."

Dib didn't like where the conversation was going, "Retreat then. If you can't do it safely tonight, pull out and re-infiltrate when you can. The dance isn't until the day after tomorrow, so you've got time."

"I've got other plans." She glowered, "This can't wait. If something happens you'll just have to deal with it."

"You can't just-!" realizing his voice was turning heads, Dib lowered his yell to a whisper, "You can't just blow me off like that! If you want my cooperation, you better get your priorities straight! Promise me no harm will come to either Zim or GIR! Promise or you can forget the whole thing!"

Shirley's cell phone rang. Without checking to see who it was, she got up and turned it off, "Time's up, Dib. Somebody's going to capture an alien by the end of the week, and if you want that person to be you, I suggest you reorganize _your own_ priorities if you want to count on _my_ cooperation."

She started to leave, but Dib shot up and grabbed her arm before she could get too far. Shirley turned and stared, stunned at his audacity.

Dib locked his glare on her, "I'm not budging on this, Shirley! Promise me or forget it!"

A hint of green moved through crowd in the corner of Shirley's eye. "Your girlfriend's coming, Dib. If you don't let me go, you'll have a lot of explaining to do."

Dib smiled self mockingly at her, "Doesn't matter. I'm the love struck victim here, remember? As long as Zim thinks she's got me under her thumb, it's my word against yours, the jealous rival. You're the only one with anything to lose here, Shirl. It's up to you."

He let her go.

Shirley's hand instantly went to the smooth the imprint on her arm of the boy's palm. She noticed the pillar of green, black and lavender had stopped just short of the two. She contemplated calling Dib's bluff and seeing if the alien had as much faith in him as he thought she did. Tempting, very tempting; but she needed him. He'd pay for this afterwards.

"...Fine."

Shirley whirled and stormed off.

Dib watched her leave, not daring to let out his breath until he was sure she wasn't going to change her mind and come back.

Once she was out of sight, he let out a long breath and sat down. He'd risked a lot making demands like that. He'd been counting on the assumption that she couldn't pull this off on her own, or she wouldn't have asked to join him in the first place. Looks like it worked.

Now to tie up the _other_ loose end...

"Hey, Zim," he said, back still towards the invader, hoping tact and niceties would buy him time to think up an explanation, "How'd it go?"

"What were you doing, talking to the Shirley beast?!" Zim demanded, getting straight to the point.

_So much for plan 'A',_ thought Dib.

Out of time, and knowing silence wouldn't help, he decided to test out his own theory go with the truth.

"Shirley was just asking me why I chose you as a partner, and wouldn't I rather like to go with her instead?"

Although she suspected as much, Zim was still taken aback that Dib would just come right out and say it. "...And?"

He turned to her now, his amused smile confusing the alien even more.

"I was tempted... but I like your perfume a lot better than hers."

Zim's anger fled from her then, its heat in her face turning into the kind associated with embarrassment.

Dib smiled a real smile then. On impulse, he stood and went to her.

Having finally recognized the pattern, Zim shut her eyes and braced herself for the kiss.

She was surprised to have Dib hug her instead, and without the intensity of times before. He rested his chin on her head as he rocked her slightly, more a comforting movement than anything else.

"I'm sorry, Zim," Dib whispered.

Not sure she'd understood what he'd said, and before she could make him repeat himself, the bell rang and Dib pulled away from her, taking hold of Zim's hand once again and led them into the school building.

* * *

Zim watched Dib out of the corner of her eye as they walked down the street towards his base. The human had been 'spacing out' quite a bit during their last few classes, sometimes while staring out a window, but more often than not, at Zim himself. He seemed to be trying to figure something out...

Could it be possible that the paranormal investigator had somehow discovered his secret? Or at least suspected? Zim thought back to anything he might have said or done that might've given himself away, but his ruse was flawless! Obviously something else was occupying his mind.

"Dib?" he said.

The boy continued walking as if he hadn't heard him. Zim said his name again, louder this time.

Dib finally reacted, "Eh? What? What, Zim?"

Zim narrowed his eyes and continued angrily, "You're not still thinking about the Shirley beast's offer now, are you?"

For a moment, Dib's eyes widened in panic, but the moment passed quickly and he seemed to sigh in relief.

"Jealous, Zim?" he chuckled, giving the alien's hand a reassuring squeeze as they continued walking, "Don't be. You know I'd rather be chasing you, than skirts."

"Jealous?! Zim is not jealous of inferior furless earth monkeys!" he said, secretly relieved to know he still had Dib all to himself, yet a bit confused by the mental image of the human pursuing a run-away skirt. He remembered having watched something similar involving pants on a cartoon show GIR'd been watching once. Timmy Moron or something like that, "I merely assumed because you're acting a bit more empty-headed than is normal for you and was concerned."

"You were worried about me?" Dib slowed his pace and smiled broadly at the Irken.

"Not you!" Zim tried to cover his slip, "I meant the mission! Your being distracted might-"

"That's sweet, Zim." Dib said, bringing his face closer to the alien's.

Suddenly, he hesitated, as if catching himself doing something he shouldn't.

"Uh... you... you had something on your nose." Dib brushed his fingers against the spot on Zim's face where his nose would be if he'd had one.

Before Zim could point this out to him, Dib looked up and announced, "Well, we're here!" consecutively dragging Zim up the path to his house.

Upon opening the door, a duty mode GIR in full arsenal blocked his path.

"Halt, human! I am protecting this house! Retreat or prepare to be destroyed!"

A cold trickle of sweat ran down Dib's forehead as the lights indicating the robot was powering up his weapons climbed their gauges and he backed away slowly, yelping in surprise as Zim pushed past him.

"Stand down, GIR!" he said, torn between pride that the SIR was actually doing its job, and irritation at its timing, "It's just the Dib! He's our ally now, remember?"

"Beef Dib?" the android asked, weapons shutting down as he reverted back to GIR mode.

"No, GIR. The Dib is not stuffed with disgusting cow products!" Zim turned a quizzical eye on the boy, "...Are you? Your trenchcoat _does _carry a faint stink of slaughtered bovine."

"That would be because it's _leather_," Dib sighed and scratched the back of his head. "But I _did_ have a burger for lunch today..."

"Oooo! The kind with beef in it?" GIR grabbed his tip-toes and rocked on his bottom.

"Uh..."

Zim turned his back on their stimulating conversation and searched for something to distract his SIR unit with, completely unaware of the 3 sets of eyes discreetly watching him from the rafters.

(End Chapter 7!)

Not my best work, I'll admit, and a lot shorter, but it'll have to do. Oo;

A lot of people's main point of focus here seems to be Dib's reaction to discovering Zim's not really a girl. I wrote that part already, it's the events leading up to that point that confound me and cause such long waiting periods between posts! Otherwise I'd just outline the basics and tell you all exactly how everything ends, but I don't think you'd like that, would you?

To those who've stayed reading up this far: Thank you for your continued support,patience and cookies! And of course reviews too:D


	8. Shall We Dance?

Disclaimer: The song is called, 'They're Playing Our Song' by Trinere :D

Thanks Cherry Cola!

Chapter 8: Shall We Dance? 

While Zim had busied GIR delivering dust bunnies to all the neighbors, she led Dib down into her lab. The human seemed tense and nervous, although Zim saw no reason for it. Hadn't she reassured the boy already that the machine was perfectly safe and wouldn't fry his brain meats?

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the Dance Downloader resembled a primitive human execution device called an 'electric chair'?...

"Pay attention, Dib!" Zim said, tearing her partner's gaze from the device, "You're going to do this for me next, and you need to know how to do it properly! First off, you push this button here! You need to hold it down until the screen flashes, and then you'll flip these switches in sequence like so..."

As Zim guided the human through the steps, the boy remained absolutely silent, merely nodding his head whenever Zim paused to ask him if he'd understood everything so far.

"Okay," Zim said when she finished, "Now, show me what I just showed you."

Zim stepped aside as Dib stepped up to the controls, flawlessly repeating word for word and motion for motion everything Zim had said and done.

Satisfied, and a bit impressed, she nodded and pointed towards the chair.

"Have a seat, earth monkey!"

Dib hesitated for a moment, but walked purposefully towards his fate and sat down, (albeit a bit stiffly) wincing only slightly as the flashy metal circlet was lowered onto his head.

"This might sting a bit..." Zim warned.

Dib bit his lip and nodded, cueing Zim to flip the final switch.

The sensation that someone, who had scuffed their shoes on a carpet, had touched a finger to his forehead was all Dib was aware of; and when nothing else happened, he wondered if either the machine was broken, or his own nervous system had overloaded to the point of going numb.

"Done!" cried Zim, "You can't test it yet, of course, as I've also installed a security feature to make sure you _can't_ activate the program without _my_ password!" Zim would be required to place the same restrictions on herself for the programs to be compatible, but she didn't see a need for Dib to know that.

The circlet was lifted and Dib rose awkwardly, as if still expecting more pain to hit him from somewhere. (And it almost did when...)

Zim walked up behind him and shoved him towards the controls, taking the seat for herself.

Dib watched Zim out of the corner of his eye as he worked. He looked away quickly once he noticed she was watching him back.

"There's two security features to work this," Zim explained afterwards, "The first works on a 'challenge and password' basis. _You_ state the challenge. _I _give the password!"

"What's the challenge?"

"That's up to you. The other is like a 'key to lock' thing. Each other's specific DNA is encoded into the palms of our hands, so it still won't work if you happen to _accidentally_ give out the password. Just ask me something, I'll respond, and when our hands connect and recognize themselves, the code will be set and the program activated!"

"In that case," Dib forced out a smile and held out his hand, "Shall we dance?"

Zim smiled back, and took it, "Let's!"

A slight jolt ran up Zim's arm at the contact, her mind filling with rhythm and confidence; something clicking in her brain when it reached that point and setting her body on autopilot. Then, as if they'd been practicing for years, the pair proceeded to waltz around and around the room, dancing to a beat only they could hear.

(_They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music?  
They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music?  
They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music?  
They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music-music-music...)_

Dib's cocky smirk filled her vision. He felt it too. It was amazing how incredibly sexy he looked just then. Zim felt herself smirk back, and picked up the pace.

(_From the moment you entered, my eyes have been on you!  
You're making me weak simply by the way you move!  
I want to be with you, out here on the floor!  
Sure seems to me like we've danced somewhere before!)_

Dib kept up with her effortlessly, his body's movements automatically adjusting to his partner's. He grinned at her challenge, tightened his hold on her waist and began to spin them with dizzying speed.

(_Is this a simple case of deja-vu?  
Am I mistaken or have I danced with you?  
Won't you correct me, if you know I'm wrong,  
but if you think I'm right, then let's dance to our song!)_

Zim knew she couldn't keep up with him then. Instead, she leapt onto his hips, wrapping her legs around his back to keep them out of the way.

Dib spun faster.

(_They're playing our song! How could it be wrong for you to dance with me?)_

Zim peeled her arms from his shoulders and bent her body over backwards, the human released her hips and snatched Zim's wrists so that as they continued to spin, it appeared as if she was sticking straight out of his abdomen.

(_They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music?  
They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music?  
They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music?  
They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music-music-music...)_

Zim felt the boy squeeze her wrists. She lifted her head and looked at him. He gave her a wink as her only warning and then sprang back, as if jumping off a trampoline.

It became a pattern of twirl, jump and twirl in mid-air, land and twirl and jump again! On the 10th bounce, Zim felt a curious tickling sensation starting at the back of her throat.

(_They're playing it!)_

Maybe she was going to throw up?

(_The music!)_

She tried to focus on something stationary. On Dib. On the sparkle in his eyes. On the smile that seemed to make up 1/2 his face. (A smile that was even more disporportional than his head!)

(_Playing it!)_

The tickling became stronger. She couldn't hold it back.

Zim opened her mouth...

(_The music!)_

And found it was a laugh!

(_So far, you've danced with every girl but me!  
The way you're moving makes my heart skip a beat!  
Why don't you hold me and turn me around;  
lift me up in your arms, boy, and never let me down!)_

Dib laughed along with her, their voices mingling in tangled harmonies, and those harmonies found places in her own mind that she'd never looked into, that as an invader, she'd always been able to ignore.

She laughed again.

(_They're playing our song! How could it be wrong for you to dance with me?)_

Dib pulled her back up and slid his hands up under Zim's armpits. He lifted the light alien up, her legs unlatching from his waist and flying out behind her, eventually touching the ground as the boy began slowing the spin until they came to a stop.

(_They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music?  
They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music?  
They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music?  
They're playing our song! Don't you hear the music!)_

As a single mind they snatched each others hands and hips, proceeding to tango from one end of the room to the other and back, their interlocked hands only separating to switch directions.

(_They're playing our song! How could it be wrong for you to dance with me?)_

Nearing the end of the song, Dib gathered Zim to him, her back against his front, and one arm wound across her waist.

(_They're playing our song! How could it be wrong for you to dance with me?)_

He twirled her to the left with one arm and caught her in the other, Zim's own having fallen around his neck as they dipped together with her weight.

(_They're playing our song! How could it be wrong for you to dance with meeeeeeeee!)_

Dib felt another slight jolt as the music and confidence that had filled him earlier seemed to drain out.

He blinked at Zim.

Zim blinked back.

Maybe it was his equilibrium catching up with him, but Dib suddenly felt dizzy. He teetered and felt himself falling forward. He had just enough control of himself left to pull Zim into him as he spun one last time, landing on his back instead of on her.

He shut his eyes tight and bit back a curse as his head met the floor with a painful thump. When he opened them again, they found Zim still lying atop him, propped up on her elbows and smiling suggestively. He blushed and looked away, "Um..."

_Again with his defiance!_ Zim thought irritatedly, the good mood the dancing had given her forgotten. _The Dib from this morning would be **thrilled** to be in this position! Had the blonde haired-demon said something to make him doubt the benefits of being partners with Zim after all?_

_Perhaps she should remind him then..._

Dib's eyes bugged out and refocused on the invader as he felt her claw tracing slowly up his neck.

"Zim, what-"

The tracing claw stopped on his lips for a moment, and then its friends brushed his cheek, cupping the flushed skin.

_Still_ the infuriating human resisted her! His eyes had shifted to the side and he was trying to get up again!

Zim's own eyes narrowed as she shoved him back down and _forced_ the human to stop ignoring her!

(Page break)

The moment their lips made contact, Dib's mind had gone into overdrive.

_What the...! What is she **doing**? What am **I** doing letting her do it? Why was she's so shy when **I** instigated everything, and now so aggressive when I'm not? And why is it the more I try to ignore my emotions, the stronger they seem to get? Why couldn't have Zim continued to pretend to be a guy and date someone else? This would be so much easier if I could have the right head in control more often..._

Dib's body, however, had no such qualms, and at some point during his ramblings, had already begun to respond to Zim's touch and was kissing her back! (Oh the woes of being a horny teenage male!)

His roving hands were currently sliding across the expanse of Zim's backside to the familiar contours of her waist and neck, eagerly pressing the smooth, green body closer.

She devoured his lips with greed, her long, exotic tongue demanding entrance which he gladly granted.

After probing around his mouth for a while, Zim turned away from the kiss and tilted her head, inviting the human to taste from the other appetizers on his plate.

With a mischievous, vampiric grin, Dib dived for the sweet scented flesh on her neck, suckling and nibbling on it hungrily.

Zim moaned appreciatively, the sound driving the poor boy wild!

He might have even forgotten himself _entirely_, had not the alien invader attempted to unzip the front of his jeans...

Suddenly remembering the hidden eyes watching them, Dib gasped and shot his arm down, clasping Zim's wrist, preventing the hand attached to it from venturing further.

Keeping his eyes averted, Dib slowly pushed them to a sitting position and then pushed up again to stand. He helped Zim to her feet, holding her hand gently but firmly in the space between them.

"I...s-sorry...Zim-"

"My fault, Dib-human." she said, causing the boy's head to snap up in surprise. Zim was apologizing? Oo;

"I thought it was what you wanted." Her head was drooped, as if she was speaking to the floor, "That it was the reason behind your odd behavior. You keep _saying_ nothing's wrong when it's obvious something _is_, and I have to keep guessing at it!" Her hands clenched into fists, "I don't know what else to do..."

Dib gaped, flabbergasted. Was that a _tear_ rolling down Zim's eye! Holy cow, Zim was crying! And it was _his_ fault!

The boy stepped forward again, instinctively holding the alien's head to his shoulder and stroking her hair.

"Don't cry, Zim! Aw, geez! I'm sorry!" Zim stopped crying almost immediately and, not having much practice in the art of comforting, Dib didn't think it odd, "I didn't know I was affecting you like this! It's not your fault, really! I just..." he searched his heart for an honest answer, only mildly surprised when he found it, "...don't know what I'm doing."

(Page break)

Zim smiled into Dib's shoulder. So she was correct and it was the 'Shy-Damsel-in- Distress-Zim' that got the human going! She tucked that bit of knowledge away for future reference.

She tilted her head and looked with half lidded eyes into the boy's troubled ones, "It's okay, Dib." she smiled shyly at him, "We'll just save that for another time, yes?"

Feeling his cheeks grow hot, the boy managed a shaky smile, "Er...I g-guess so. Maybe...?"

Kissing him again, Zim slid her hand down Dib's arm and entwined it with his own, feeling amused when his other hand moved quickly to cover his zipper.

She turned her head, brushing her lips across his cheek and close to his ear.

"I have something I want to show you." Zim breathed huskily, "Will you come with me to see it?"

Hand still over his crotch, but now for a different reason, Dib wanted to say 'no-thanks-gotta-go' and race home to take a _really_ cold shower; but he caught a pair of eyes in the shadows, with yellow pig tails floating near either end, staring at him.

The tails dipped forward a bit and then straightened again. A nod.

_Get Zim away from the dance machine_ echoed Shirley's voice in his mind. _We need half an hour_

**_So_**_ much easier if he could have the right head in control more often..._

Swallowing thickly, his stomach twisting with that increasingly familiar pain, Dib squeaked out his consent.

(Page break)

End Chapter 8!

(Sigh) And Chapter 6 had so many more reviews than usual! Oo; Does this mean the reviewers don't like where this is going, or are just being lazy? Meh! I said I'd finish this fic, and I WILL, DARN IT! Anyways, thanks Brittany/ChemicalIrony for proof-reading, and Kyla Minamoto, thejennamonster,Coco Tapioca, chickens, and The One What Squeaks for the reviews! And I sincerely apologize for those of you who _can't stand_ song fics, but I really wanted to do one for this chapter! This song might not be the best to go with it, but it sounded good when I was listening to it on my boombox...AND I PLAN ON MAKING _ANOTHER_ SONG-CHAPTER ON THE NIGHT OF THE DANCE TOO:D


	9. Thursday

Chapter 9: Thursday

Zim led Dib to the teleporters at the far end of the lab. Once they were both inside, Dib felt an odd tingling sensation as his body was disintegrated, shipped to the next teleporter, and put back together again.

He stepped out to discover they'd ended up in Zim's space base. Memories of his last visit there, trapped in a specimen tube until Gaz had saved him, made him wonder if he'd encounter a similar fate tonight.

Zim tugged him along to the main control room, the breathtaking view of the universe just beyond the glass partially obscured by a giant computer screen.

There was only one chair in the room, since Zim was the only one who usually came up here. She insisted Dib use it, meanwhile she fiddled with the controls on the panel.

Suddenly, everything disappeared. The screen was gone, the teleporters had vanished, and even the walls surrounding them were no longer there.

Dib instinctively held his breath, the common knowledge that there's no air in space triggering a useless, yet basic survival tactic.

Zim he could still see, however. The alien turned to face him, a broad grin on her face, "Well? What do you think?"

The fact that air is required in order to carry sound was a bit slower to register in the human's mind. But when it did, he began to breathe again, cautiously, as if he inhaled too deeply, he'd use up whatever remaining oxygen there was.

Zim swept her arm to gesture grandly at the space around them, "I've activated the stealth mode! It works by the same principles as the ones used by the Megadoomer! I remembered how much you seemed to enjoy that little 'star show' at the primitive human observatory we were once forced to go to, and thought I'd share the _real_ thing with you."

Dib's frozen terror melted away and was replaced by one of child-like awe. He swiveled his neck this way and that to take it all in.

"Woah..." he breathed.

Zim smiled.

_See what Zim can offer you, human?_ She thought smugly at him, _I can give you the stars, Dib! They can all be yours!_

She walked across the solid nothingness beneath her feet to his invisible chair, sitting herself down on his lap.

_And more..._

Dib tore his gaze away from the stars to Zim.

"Do you like it?" she asked, caressing his cheek with her thumb.

He nodded dumbly, "Yeah...Zim, this is...Wow, I just...it's so..." He shook his head, his vocabulary seemingly having been sucked out of his head and into the vacuum of space along with everything else.

"Yeah," he repeated finally, looking sheepishly down at his lap. Upon finding Zim's waist there, he let his eyes travel slowly back up to her face.

"Good," she said, scooting a little closer to him, "I hope you don't plan on star gazing the _entire_ night, though..."

_The plan!_ Dib thought, swallowing thickly, _remember the plan!_

"Zim-" But then Dib could say no more, as the invader chose that moment to put his lips to better use.

That was the end of star gazing for that night.

(Page break)

Zim was the first one to wake up the next morning. Her head rested against Dib's chest and her arms around his neck.

She recalled the night's previous activities and smiled, although she thought things could've gone better were it not for the human's damnable modesty, she still considered it a very productive step towards persuading the Dib into joining forces with her _permanently_.

Zim looked up into the human's face. It was her second time waking up in his arms. The first time during lunch at the school, Dib had lightly shaken her shoulder, "Hey, wake up, Zim." he'd whispered to her, "The bell rang. Let's go back to class." Upon opening her eyes, the first thing she saw was Dib's smiling face, the first thing she'd felt after that were his lips on hers. Zim decided it was a very pleasurable way to awaken, and that one day she'd return the favor.

Looking at the Dib now, the corner of his mouth had a bit of drool escaping from it, his glasses were askew and his hair was a tousled mess.

She gave his shoulder a gentle shake, "Wake up, _nekri_."

It was in Irken endearment, a word she'd never uttered before in all her life, few Irkens had, yet it rolled off her tongue with surprising ease.

Startled at how right it seemed to call Dib her 'cherished one' she leaned forward and shook him again, "Dib, wake up."

The boy lazily opened an eye at her, smiling upon recognition, "Hey-"

When the kiss was over, he opened both eyes and grinned broadly, "Well!" he chuckled, "Good morning to you too!" he looked about the dark expanse of space around them, "It _is_ morning, right?"

Zim closed her eyes and checked her PAK's internal clock, "Hmm...yes. Yes, it is. 7:58am to be exact."

"Really? I better get going then..."

Dib tried to get up, but the invader on his lap was making the task difficult.

"What's your rush?" she teased.

"Uh..." a drop of sweat started rolling down the side of his face, "Well, this gives me only about an hour before school starts to go home, shower, change, eat breakfast and-"

"Or," Zim ran her claw along his lips suggestively, "We could _not_ go to school today..."

Before Dib could react to the stimulation, guilt of his other agenda drowned the reactions out.

_It's for the good of the planet!_ a part of his mind screamed at him, but the scream was wavery and muffled, as if it too, was drowning.

He held onto Zim with one hand, and used the other to find and push off the arm of the chair so that they came up together, "Maybe next time..."

Zim sighed, "It's always _next time_ with you! When's _next time_, Dib? Tomorrow? Next week? A year from now?" She pouted at him, "You know, sometimes I think you only _pretend_ to like me..."

Dib could practically _feel_ the word 'Heel' being stamped to his forehead like they do in cartoons. It hurt.

"How about Friday?" he blurted out, and then, before he could stop himself, "Prom night is usually when couples...um, that is, I think Friday would be...er-"

"Friday night's fine!" Zim said happily, preventing the boy from further embarrassing himself.

Dib smiled awkwardly, privately thinking, _Oh gawd, what did I get myself into?_

Zim patted some of the seemingly empty air around them, bringing the space base, and the transportation pod, back into view.

Back on ground level, Zim walked with Dib to the door. Her hand had just barely touched the doorknob when a loud explosion from outside caused her to snatch it back.

Looking at each other worriedly, Zim squeaked and jumped backwards into Dib's arms as the door was then blasted off its hinges, revealing a very satisfied looking GIR in 'kid' disguise standing at the entrance.

"I ran out of dust bunnies!" The deranged robot cried happily, "So I gave the neighbors weapons of mass destruction!" Machine gun fire followed by frantic screams and police sirens could be heard in the distance, "Making things go **BOOM** is so much fun!"

Another explosion sounded, closer this time. Consequently, a large, uprooted tree crash-landed near the steps of the house, charred and smoking, a few of the flames still burning the wood.

Zim looked up at Dib, "You could still change your mind about not going to school, you know..."

"I'll be fine." Dib smiled at her, "I remember your _lawn gnomes_ doing more damage than _this_, and I always managed to get past _them_, didn't I?"

Zim smiled back and nuzzled his neck, "I'd still rather you stayed here with me, though."

"Hey! You're going to school, too!" the human squinted a taunting eye at her, "Unless you're afraid, of course!"

That got her, "**_AFRAID_**?" Zim pulled back and glared at him defiantly, "I am **_Zim_**! Zim fears **_NOTHING_**!"

"Alright then," Dib set her back down, "Wish me luck, and I'll see you at school!"

Zim's expression softened as she proceeded to kiss him once more.

"Good luck, Dib," she whispered, before glaring again, "And I'll see you at school!"

Dib smiled and ran out the door, "See ya, Zim!"

"Hey!" said a voice belonging to someone Zim couldn't see, "50 points if you can hit the weird kid in the trench coat!"

"You're on!"

Zim watched mutely as a truckload of hillbillies with grenade launchers attempted to run Dib over, the boy barely managing to leap out of the way before an ambulance coming from the opposite direction hit and sent him flying out of view.

She slowly closed the door to the sound of more explosions followed by Dib cursing, and then turned to lean her back against it.

"...He'll be fine." She said at last.

Then she noticed her dysfunctional robot slave, rolling around on the floor and making gurgling noises.

"This is all _your_ fault, GIR." Zim told him blandly, "You're bad."

The android stopped rolling and looked innocently up at its master, "GIR bad?"

"Yes."

"...Hooray!"

He went back to rolling.

Zim shook her head and got as far as the couch before a sharp pain in her arm drew her attention.

She pulled out the dart and spun towards the direction it had come from.

A flash of something yellow darted back into the shadows from behind the kitchen doorway.

Cursing herself silently for her carelessness, Zim ran towards the elevator under the TV to her lab.

"Computer! Intruder Al-" Was all the invader could get out, as her tongue seemed to have swollen and become numb, the rest of her body quickly following suit.

The dart dropped from her grip and she fell, caught before hitting the floor by a pair of unseen hands.

A lock of black braids swinging over her face was the last thing Zim saw before everything went dark.

(End Chapter 9!)

AOYR: I didn't know you read this one too. Then again, you did mention it once, so I should've known...YAY FOR NEW PLUSHIES! ONE CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH :D

All Apologies: Well thanks for not being lazy this time around :D

Queenstheif Draconess Herselve: Haven't there been other ZADRs where Zim's a she? I thought I'd seen one or two...oh well. :D

Chibi-Inu-Youkai: Glad you likes! Thanks for the review :D

Sade: Yes, you may have more! I think I'm making this an estimated 20 or so chappies long. :D

inverseinsanity: Traitor Dib. Sounds kind of like Invader Dib don't' it? Oo; Maybe it's just me. I like your dance story too! It's in my faves, see?

chickens: My song chappie has been approved! YAY! Thank ya:D

IaretehSarah: Thanks for the feedback on the characters being IC! ZADR's tend to be OOC and I keep trying to curve that. :D

sissorstopaper: Welcome to my fanfic! I usually update every 2 weeks, cause that's how long it usually takes to get my proof-read story back from my beta-readers, so that gives you an estimated time for when to check in for new chappies:D


	10. Rude Awakening

**Next update: March 30**

Also, AOYR drew this AWESOME piccy of the space base stealth mode scene from Ch.9! I DEMAND YOU ALL GO SEE IT! Just copy/paste http:www. deviantart. com/deviation/15758808 (just remember to delete the spaces) :D

Chapter 10: Rude Awakening

Zim woke up with a nasty headache, "Oww..." and soon, also discovered she was down in her lab, bound up in thick ropes around her wrists and ankles, "What?..."

"Finally conscious, are you?" called a voice from behind. She tried to twist her body towards the sound, but movement only irritated the skin under the ropes, so she held still.

"Who are you?" Zim demanded, her eyes narrowing, "How did you get past my defenses?"

"Miss Sunshine needs to win that contest," a different voice continued, ignoring her questions, "Subject Dib is a key factor to this goal. We have been instructed to let you go unharmed if you agree to surrender the Dib to us."

Zim growled low in her throat, "NEVER! I AM **_ZIM_**! ZIM SURRENDERS **_NO ONE_**!"

Belatedly remembering her spider legs, she quickly deployed them and turned to face her captors, "And the Dib stays **_MINE_**!"

The lab was empty. Or so it seemed. Zim listened to her voice echoing eerily until it faded, then turned her attentions to the house, "Computer! Scan for intruders and untie me!"

Silence.

"Computer? Answer me! There are intruders on the premises and this is no time to play games! Obey Zim!"

Muffled giggling from among the rafters was her only response.

Getting desperate, she called out again, "GIR! Come down to the lab! NOW!"

"If you're trying to contact that weird android 'kid-brother' of yours," a curly haired silhouette stepped out from behind an empty specimen tube, "We've already got him as well!"

She swung out a little metal cage, revealing the oblivious, still in disguise robot happily licking its feet.

"GIR!"

The SIR unit turned towards the sound of its name and wiggled his leg at Zim, "I am wiggling my leg! Witness my leg! Do you not see? Huh? HUH?"

"That's _it_, GIR!" Zim admonished her slave, "No more HNB comics for you! Stop playing around and assist your master!"

GIR stopped wiggling and stuck his tongue out cutely to the side, "Okie!"

He wrapped his little hands around the bars of his cage and pushed them easily to the sides, quickly jumping down and rushing up to Zim.

The silhouette took a surprised step back, "_What?..._that...that was titanium steel alloy! How did-"

"One thing I've learned concerning all my plans," Zim said as her android undid her bonds, "Never underestimate the 'GIR Factor'!"

"Yeehaa!" cried GIR, as he attached himself to Zim's neck and they charged toward their mystery jailor.

The figure leapt sideways, barely avoiding being impaled by Zim's spider legs, "Computer!" it cried, "Intruder alert! Search and destroy!"

"Intruders confirmed," the computer replied, dropping dozens of mechanical arms into view, all holding laser guns and all pointed at Zim, "Prepare to be assimilated."

The invader ducked and rolled under the first few blasts, reaching into her PAK and springing back up with her own weapon in hand.

"This is _madness_!" she cried, taking out 3 of the mech arms on her way to the elevator pod, "How can I be an intruder in my own house? What's wrong with you, Computer? **_Have you the brain worms_**?"

"Intruders escaping," said the computer as Zim and GIR jumped into the elevator and punched the 'ground floor' button, "Initiating shut-down of all transport modules."

Their ascent came to a grinding halt, causing Zim to teeter and fall.

The alien began cursing vehemently in Irken, "You think you can keep Zim prisoner in her own home? You don't know whom you're dealing with! I am an invader elite! And I will make sure you pay dearly for your mistake!"

She aimed her laser gun at the ceiling of the elevator pod and squeezed off a shot, blasting a hole big enough to escape out of. Zim jumped and caught the ledge, pulling herself up and proceeding to use her spider legs to scale the walls.

Reaching her destination, she blasted that wall open too and vaulted out into her kitchen.

Another figure was already waiting for here there.

Zim screeched to a halt and swung her laser to point at this new threat. Aim at the ready, she squeezed the trigger.

Nothing happened.

She looked disbelievingly at the useless scrap of Irken technology in her hand and flung it disgustedly away, opting instead to take up her military fighting stance, her body language clear, _I may not be armed, but I'm still willing to fight my way out!_

The figure remained motionless, "He's going to be taken from you either way, you know. Your cooperation only makes things that much easier."

Zim growled, "SHUT UP! Either fight me or step aside, stink beast!"

The figure said nothing to her, merely stepped to the side and motioned to the door, her own body language painfully obvious as well, _Go ahead and leave. We have your base, we have your weapons, and we have your technology. There is nothing you can do about it. The battle is ours today_.

Giving the person one last vengeful glare, Zim wasted no more time and charged out the door, nearly tripping over the still smoldering tree trunk-

and into another war zone.

The neighbors were still at it with the weapons of mass destruction, compliments of her lunatic SIR unit.

She craned her head to look at said lunatic still clinging to her neck.

"GIR! I need a distraction! Go and...do something!"

GIR's eyes flashed red, "Yes, Master!" and dropped to the ground. Running into the heart of the melee, he dropped to his knees and let out an eardrum-shattering wail, "MY CONTACT LENSE! I LOST MY CONTACT LENSE! I MISS YOU CUPCAKE! WHYYYYYYYYY?"

Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing and dropped to their knees as well, combing the ground franticly for the poor child's fictious vision enhancer.

Taking advantage of this calm before the storm, Zim retracted her arachnid appendages and raced toward the school, one thought beating urgently in her mind, as loud as the beating of her heart.

_Dib!_

(End chapter 10!)

AOYR: Thank you so much for the piccy! Lurves it tons I do :D By now your groundedness should be over, yes? Now you can use the computer with a lesser degree of paranoia than usual! Yay!

InvaderZae: As you can see, Zim's just fine...only her ego's hurt XD

cheese+cracker: Another cliffy!I likes these, but judging from the sever lack of reviews, I'm guessing nobody else does...oh well.

Cherry Cola: Thanks for the help finding the song in the last chapter! I forgot all about google...and I use it to find everything else! Oo; Meh, Thanks for the review!


	11. Show Me

Chapter 11: Show Me

Dib looked at his watch for the umpteenth time that morning. Where was Zim? She said she'd be here. Did she change her mind? Had something happened to her on the way over? Was she, even now, lying hurt and unnoticed in a ditch somewhere?

He shook his head angrily, _Stop it!_

"Mr. Membrane!" (A/N: again, I emphasize, I KNOW that's not his real name!)

Dib swung his head to look at the annoyed third period teacher, "Um, yes?"

"Would you mind telling me what you have planned for after class today, that is _so_ important, you must check your timepiece every five minutes?"

The boy tugged his collar nervously, "Uh, sorry. I, er, don't really but-"

Brrrrrring!

_Saved by the bell!_

Dib scooped up his books and ran out the room without finishing his explanation. He was going insane with worry. It was lunchtime now, and Zim was still missing. He decided right then and there that the rest of the school day could go to Hell. He was going to go find Zim, and if he found her lounging around on her couch or something, he was gonna give her a piece of his mind! Which, when you think about it, is still very large...

In passing by his locker, he stopped, turned and went back, opting to take the time to get rid of the books in his hands in case he ended up having to carry Zim.

Slamming it shut, he didn't even bother to lock it, Dib cut his way amidst the thick river of bodies flowing in opposite directions within the hallways, towards the exit at the front.

The second he stepped outside, the first thing he saw was-

"ZIM!"

The invader looked almost ready to keel over. Her wig was crooked and she had patches of hair sticking out at odd angles, her clothes were rumpled and torn.

"Dib..."

The boy ran up and she collapsed into his arms. He carefully guided her to a shady, somewhat secluded part of the school grounds, and sat her down against the shade-giving tree's trunk.

"What happened to you, Zim?" he looked her over worriedly, wanting to touch her but afraid of hurting her, "Did you get caught in the cross-fire of the neighborhood?" His eyes hardened, "I swear if it was those damned _kids_ again, I'm going to-"

"The Shirley beast," Zim wheezed, "The intruders...they mentioned her...said I should... surrender you...couldn't let them...my base-"

"Shh, Zim!" he sat down next to her, "It's okay." He reached over and began stroking her cheek, "Just rest for now. Catch your breath. It's okay, Zim. Shh..."

Zim closed her eyes and rested her head against Dib's shoulder. She stayed that way until the pounding in her head returned to its rightful place in her chest, and then muted until it became a dull background noise.

She wanted to forget everything then. She didn't want to explain to the human that she'd lost her base, that he might be in danger and she also didn't want to ask for his help. She didn't want to appear weak. And yet here she was, looking like she'd just stepped out of a tornado, and Dib was here, holding her, and she realized it wasn't all that bad...

She opened her eyes and looked up at him, "I think I know who they were," Zim said, recalling the flash of yellow, the swinging black braids, and the silhouette with curls, "There were three of them. I heard two different voices when I was trapped in my lab, and there was another one on the ground floor waiting for me when I was escaping."

Although Dib didn't know the details, Zim's mention of Shirley's name earlier and the fact that there were _three_ culprits tipped him off.

His eyes narrowed in anger, and he grabbed the alien's shoulders fiercely. "**_Did they hurt you?_**"

"No," Zim laced the word with disgust, "But _I_ plan to hurt _them_!"

She tried to stand then, but Dib's hold didn't let her.

"No, Zim," he said, getting up himself, "Let _me_ handle it!"

Zim glared furiously at the human, "What do you mean by this, Dib-monkey! It was _me_ that they-"

Dib cut her off by kneeling down and pulling the Irken close, kissing her lips hard and desperately, wrapping her body tightly in his arms. It was a long time before he finally pulled away, and when he did, his expression had softened, his eyes pleading with her instead.

"Just...just trust me on this one, Zim," he said, touching his forehead to hers, "Please..."

Zim didn't know why he was acting so strangely, but she suddenly wasn't as angry as she'd been a moment ago. She decided there was no harm or pride lost in letting her partner stand up for her. It was even sort of sweet...

She wrapped her own arms around his waist and nuzzled her head under his chin.

"Fine, Dib-worm, but you must inform me on all the details when you return, understood?"

Dib kissed the top of her head and gave her a brief hug. "I will."

He pulled away again, "Wait for me here. I won't be long."

One quick kiss later, he sped away, heading for the usual meeting grounds of the blond vixen and her pack.

Little did he know that Shirley was already _way_ ahead of him.

(Page break)

Zim looked after Dib until he turned the corner of the building and was out of sight. She wondered what he would say and do when he found the group leader. Dib would never actually _hit_ a girl. That just wasn't in his code. Zim, however, wasn't above that, and now that he was posing as a girl himself, no one could think less of him/her. She giggled at the memory of Dib earlier that week, surrounded and overwhelmed by the entire female population of the school, as they pulled and snagged at him like a couple of slaughtering rats fighting over a Skooge. Had it really been only a week? It seemed like ages ago now. She sighed and turned around-

To face the very three harpies that had captured her so recently.

Zim leapt up in reflex and assumed her fighter's stance. She would _not_ be taken in twice!

"You!"

Red Curls smiled at her, "Yes, us. How you doing, Zim?"

"**_What do you want?"_**

Black Braids answered, "I believe you already know the answer to your inquiry."

"NEVER! I already told you! He's MINE! And I won't give him up without a fight!" Zim crouched, ready to spring at them if they so much as _breathed_ the wrong way!

Black Braids raised a hand, palm facing the invader.

Zim paused, eyeing the girl curiously, "That will not be necessary." she continued, "We have not come to fight you. You see, we happen to have a bit of information that just might sway your decision without resorting to violence." BB lowered her hand then, "The Dib plans to betray you."

Zim's eyes widened as she stared at them. After a moment, she finally composed himself and glared.

"YOU LIE! Filthy earth females! You're trying to trick me! The Dib would _never_ do such a thing! You spew LIES!"

Yellow Pig Tails was next to speak, "We knew you wouldn't believe us if we just said so; so we're gonna let you listen to him admit it himself! If you're willing to come with us, that is..."

Zim regarded each girl warily in turn, trying to spot the lie, a crack in their composure, a twitching of their lips. She found nothing.

"This...this is just another scheme to capture me, isn't it? You're just trying to lure me into some pathetic trap!"

RC shook her curls, "No trap. In fact, all we're gonna do is lead you to a good listening spot. We'll even stand as far away as you like." She allowed herself a smirk, "Unless you're scared to learn the truth, of course?"

Zim bit her lip, trying to fight the doubt that gnawed at her squeedly spooch. There really wasn't anything to fear was there? This was all probably just a bluff! They were _expecting_ her to reject their offer, because they knew that, even if she denied it, she'd be left with nagging doubts that might show when Dib returned. Those doubts were sure to do damage to the trust that had built up between them, the trust she'd worked so hard for. But she'd show them! She'd follow these worm beasts to wherever it was, just to prove them wrong! She had faith in her human.

Zim set her jaw and stared straight at them, looking every inch the Irken soldier that she was.

She nodded curtly, "Show me."

(End Chapter 11!)

Whee...this is getting exciting, neh? (crickets chirping) -.-

Neeways, Thankies FutureRulerZim, and night-emerald for beta-reading!

Anime Obsessor YR: (Big watery eyes) Thankies SO much for reviewing all my ficcies! I've already got your REAL B-Day present ready, but you'll have to wait for your REAL B-day! I know you'll like it! (At least, I think I know...) Oo;

Diana: Um...where did you get the idea that Dib's being...mean? He wasn't even IN the last chapter! Oo; Meh, thanks for the review anyways!

All Apologies: Although 2 weeks isn't quite ASAP I hope it's still good enough to not have you lose interest in it...thankies!

Invader Zae: I'm HOPING s/he'll do that! I haven't quite figured out HOW, but I'm working on it! Thank ya!

InvaderRed: Thanks for reading this one too! And DEATH to the Smeets! EVERYONE LOVES SMEETS! NOBODY remembers my REAL baby! (hugs DQ)

Dreamer16: Glad you likes!

Alaklain: FINALLY! Someone said they love my baby! WE LOVES YOU, TOO! (gives Alaklain the 'You've Made My Day' Award)


	12. Dib and Zim's POV's

Chapter 12: Dib's POV 

Dib was so angry he wasalmost on the verge of tears. He couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep hurting Zim. There _had_ to be another way to keep the world safe!

Shirley wasn't hard to find. She was standing with three lesser underlings, chatting away amicably, near the island in the very center of the quad.

She looked up at Dib's approach, "Well, hello, Dib!" She smiled innocently at him. "Are you by any chance here to ask me to the dance?"

It took all of his willpower not to lash out at her pretty little face and wipe the stupid smile off it. He didn't want to make a scene.

"No, but I'd like to talk to you...in private."

"Oh! In private!" Shirley giggled, "You naughty boy!"

The other girls giggled as well, giving each other knowing looks.

Dib mentally counted to 100.

When they finally stopped laughing, Shirley stood up and came to him, sliding her hand under his elbow. He stiffened but otherwise did nothing, "But sure, we can talk! You seem harmless enough." she looked back to her remaining followers, "Excuse me, girls. I'll be right back."

Shirley turned once more to Dib, "I know the perfect place! Come on."

She led them at an agonizingly slow pace, or at least it seemed so to Dib, and purposely leaned her head onto his shoulder, as if they were just a normal little couple, out for a stroll.

She took him into the school, and guided them towards the dining facility.

Leading him to the first empty table, Shirley stopped and smiled sweetly at him.

"Here we are."

Before the first word had finished forming in her mouth, Dib had spun on the girl, releasing his arm from her grasp.

He glared venomously, "You said you wouldn't hurt her!"

Shirley pouted, "Oh. You wanted to talk about _her_. And here I thought we had something..."

The boy advanced on her, "Don't toy with me, Shirley! Zim said some of your girls attacked her in her house this morning! That wasn't part of the deal!"

Shirley sighed and sat down, crossing her legs and becoming all business like, "They didn't attack her, Dib, and they didn't hurt her either. She just got injected with a little tranquilizer fluid. Besides the initial pinch I doubt she felt much pain at all."

He grit his teeth, "That's not the point! She wasn't supposed to be _involved_ at all! I want you to call off your little goon squad or else I'll-"

"You'll what, Dib? You gonna tie me up and lock me in your closet till the dance is over?" She grinned mockingly at him, "What about the rest of my girls, hm? I got friends in high places, you know, people even your _father_ has no influence over! Besides, I don't see what you're getting all worked up for. Aren't you planning on turning her in anyway?"

Dib closed his eyes and drooped his head, that increasingly familiar pain twisting his insides again, "I...I haven't decided that yet."

"What's there to decide?" Shirley irritatedly flicked a lock of hair behind her shoulder, "She's a menace to society! Not only that, but to the entire planet! You know this better than I do. Why not go ahead and turn her in now? Now, when she least expects it! You'll have to do it sooner or later, and the longer you let her run loose, the more danger you're putting the world in! You know I'm right."

Dib bit his lip, "I know."

He let the silence linger for a while, trying to find the words that would explain his situation to her...to himself.

He finally lifted his head, "But-"

A crazed laughing exploded from behind the double doors and cut him off. He whipped his head towards them. The laughter began to subside but even before it died away completely, he knew who it belonged to.

He turned to look back at Shirley. The girl wore a self-satisfied smirk on her face and showed no signs of being surprised.

Dib whipped back around and leapt to the doors, his thoughts mad with panic!

_Please don't let it be, PLEASE don't let it be…_

How much had Zim heard? Had she been listening the entire time? She was supposed to wait for him! What was she doing here anyway!

Had she followed him?

Dib threw the doors open, eyes quickly scanning and taking in the scene before him.

The girls from Shirley's group with black braids and yellow pigtails were standing shell-shocked in the hallway; beyond them was Zim, holding the one with red curls by her throat and pinned up against the wall. She seemed not to notice his sudden entrance, too focused on her prisoner to pay attention to anything else. Her eyes were burning with an inner fire, a look of murder flashing briefly across them.

She tightened her grip.

"**_NO!_**"

Dib ran forward to try and stop her, but the other girls were frozen in place and even with his slim frame, he couldn't pass them in the frustratingly narrow hallway.

But Zim _did_ stop. He watched her head dip towards her chest, her shoulders shaking slightly, and then she turned to look at him. She looked at him with a guarded, glassy stare and cynical smile.

She stepped back from Red Curls and let her body fall to the ground, turned her back on Dib and, chuckling, ran down the hallway.

"ZIM!" Dib tried squeezing himself between the living statues once more, desperately calling out to her, "ZIM, WAIT!"

He didn't get far before he felt something jerk backwards at his coat sleeve.

It was Shirley. "You're not planning on going after her are you!" She glowered disgustedly.

Dib added two and two together, bringing twin gold lasers to focus on her.

"You...you set this up, didn't you? You _knew_ I'd come to you after Zim told me about the attack on her! You brought her here to listen in on us! And now she thinks that-"

"The _Hell_ are you getting angry for?" She snapped, "I did this for _you_, you stupid moron! I know you _think_ you're in love with her, and it's holding you back! You think that just because you two got into a little hanky panky that she'd give up trying to conquer humanity, just for you? It's what you were hoping for, wasn't it? You were hoping she'd choose _you_ over her mission because she might love you back!"

She smiled then, as if the very idea was so preposterous as to be almost funny, "You're just kidding yourself! But now, there's no chance of that happening! Now, there's no _'what ifs'_, no doubts! I've released you from all the useless, naive hopes you might've been clinging to, and you should be _grateful_ for it!"

Dib lowered his gaze, feeling his head become heavy with anger and guilt, knowing everything she had said was true, "Maybe..."

And then he raised it slowly, the burning amber sunrises behind his glasses piercing through the ice blue tinted windows of the girl's soul.

"And maybe humanity isn't worth saving!"

He whirled around and ran, leaving Shirley open mouthed and gawking after him.

Black Braids and Yellow Pig Tails had finally come out of their trance; YPT was attending to Red Curls, and BB cautiously approached her commander.

"Do you wish for me to stop him?"

Shirley closed her mouth then, thinning her lips into a grim line. "Just follow for now. Keep out of sight."

BB nodded, and then calmly walked in the last direction the boy had taken.

The blond haired leader grit her teeth, "This isn't over Dib. The title of Dance Queen _will_ be mine! And with the power that comes with it, I'll destroy you and your freaky little girlfriend like the split ends in my hair that you are!"

(Page break)

Chapter 12: Zim's POV 

The girls had brought Zim to just outside the cafeteria. Strange that they thought Dib would be there. She stayed alert though, constantly making sure there was nothing and no one blocking the hallways in case she needed a quick escape route; but the girls were true to their word and kept their distance. She heard voices beyond the double doors. Two human voices were shouting inside! Well, one of them was shouting anyway, male it sounded, and to a female, it seemed.

Checking that the girls were still behind her one last time, Zim pressed the side of her head to the door and listened.

"...That wasn't part of the deal!"

That was _definitely_ Dib's voice! What was he doing in the cafeteria and whom was he talking to?

And what was this 'deal' that he had made?

"...didn't hurt her either. She just got injected with a little tranquilizer fluid. Besides the initial pinch I doubt she felt much pain at all."

That female stink meat Shirley! And they were talking about _her_ obviously.

The Dib had made a deal with her?

"That's not the point! She wasn't supposed to be _involved_ at all! I want you to call off your little goon squad or else I'll-"

"You'll what, Dib? You gonna tie me up and lock me in your closet till the dance is over? What about the rest of my girls, hm? I got friends in high places you know, people even your _father_ has no influence over! Besides, I don't see what you're getting all worked up for. Aren't you planning on turning her in anyway?"

Zim felt her insides constrict. Surely, she had misheard! Dib was planning to turn her in? That couldn't be right...

Then again, this _was_ just a temporary truce. They had agreed to be civilized to each other during the time they worked together, but neither had given up on their main objectives. Yet she had been _so sure_ she could convince him to join her before then. After all that had happened between them after just a short week...

"I...I haven't decided that yet."

"What's there to decide? She's a menace to society! Not only that, but to the entire world! You know this better than I do. Why not go ahead and turn her in now? Now, when she least expects it! You'll have to do it sooner or later, and the longer you let her run loose, the more danger you're putting the world in! You know I'm right."

A pause, and then,

"I know."

Zim sank to her knees and stared desolately at nothing. So it was true. She should have been expecting it, and still...

But wait! Hadn't he said he hadn't decided yet? There was still a chance! She could still try to convince him! And surely, she would succeed! The Dib cared for her, she would bet her life on that, if she could just make him see how much better off he would be with Zim! If she promised to spare his spooky sister and his mad scientist father...

What reason would he have to side with that loathsome human female anyway?

_click_- (brain gear noise/puzzle piece falling into place)

**_Because_** she was human. Because she was a part of humanity.

Dib's humanity.

_click-click_-

No matter how vile, how useless, how stupid or how inferior they were, Dib would stand by them, because that's what Dib did. It's who he was. He was Earth's protector.

_click-click-click_-

And as long as Zim threatened it...

_click-click-click-click_-

...she was his enemy.

_click-click-click_-

In the end, Dib would always be obligated to choose humanity;

Just as Zim would always choose her mission...

_-click-click_-

No...

_click_-

Scratch that...

_((((SNAP))))_

Her _glorious_ mission! Her mission to bring honor and conquest to the magnificent Irken empire! Her mission bestowed upon her by the Almighty Tallest themselves! Her mission, which would begin with the subjugation of the entire pathetic earth school! All would willingly bow before her and be glad to worship the ground she walked on! She was an invader! Part of the Irken Elite! She needed **_no one_**! Especially not ugly, gangly, large-headed stink-monkeys! Oh, she needed him _now_, just like someone answering the call of nature, needed toilet paper! But there would be nothing beyond that! No emotional entanglements! She'd lived her entire life alone, without family or friends, and grown strong. She would continue to do so, proving her worth and eventually conquering this rotating ball of filth!

Zim felt like laughing then, so she did. With so many pathetic human plans doomed and falling apart all around her, Zim threw her head back and cackled insanely with glee.

She lifted herself up from the floor. Clutching her sides and still laughing, Zim started to go down the hallway.

She didn't get far before a pair of crimson red Doc Martins appeared in front of her. Zim steadily controlled herself, biting the insides of her mouth until they bled, and until she was sure she could look into the worm monkey's face without bursting into fresh bouts of laughter.

"Going somewhere, Zim?" The redhead stood with her arms crossed and legs spread shoulder length apart, effectively blocking the invader's path, "They haven't even finished talking yet."

Zim grinned at her, "I've heard enough. Get out of my way."

RC stood firm, "I don't think so," and was then suddenly wondering why the back of her head was throbbing and why she was having such a hard time trying to breathe...

Zim's claws dug deeper into the contours of her fleshy neck, her other hand scraping the paint off the wall behind her captive. She wasn't looking too happy anymore.

"This changes **_nothing_**, human!" Zim whispered menacingly, "NOTHING! I knew the Dib would plot against me! I have _always_ known! We never stopped being rivals in the first place! Each of us is in this for our own personal gain, and if you think that with this _obviously_ staged display of treachery, that I would willingly release him into your _filthy_ clutches, then you are _sadly_ mistaken! I've worked too hard and invested too much in that boy to give up now! He can play whatever little games he wants with you wretched pig smellies, but he will remain _my_ partner until I am done with him! Am I understood!"

The girl made a few weak gasping noises, and flailed her limbs in a useless attempt to knock Zim's hands away. The alien wondered vaguely why the others hadn't come to offer their assistance to her. Weren't they all friends? Ha! Some friends! Puny pathetic stinking cowards! All of them! They were all so tough and sure of themselves when facing what they thought was a weak opponent, but when they found themselves alone with their backs against the wall, they crumbled like a flimsy house of cards! It was astounding to think that the Dib was one of them.

_Dib..._

Zim watched the red curl framed face contort into all sorts of interesting expressions. She couldn't make noises anymore and her face was acquiring a violet sort of shading.

What did the Dib see in this girl anyway? In _any_ human for that matter! What made him want to protect them, stand up for them, when all they ever did was either ignore him or cause him pain? What possible reason could he have for thinking that they were deserving of his protection, his loyalty, his love?

Wasn't _Zim_ more worthy?

"**_NO!"_**

Zim closed her eyes then, the irony making her head droop and her chest heave in silent, mirthless laughter.

The Dib was trapped behind the terrified female earth monkeys, and looking a bit frightened himself. Obviously _Zim_ wasn't in any danger. His concern then, was for the pathetic sack of bladder waste she held in her grasp.

_So _**this**_ is where your true loyalties lie, isn't it human? _Zim smiled at him_, Right where they've always been..._

Chuckling, she released her captive, turned and beat a hasty retreat. She didn't wanting to deal with the human just yet. Let the boy save his precious humanity! Let him become a hero in his own eyes, though no one else would ever see him as such.

_Fool_! She cackled in her mind, unsure if she was addressing the human or herself, _Foolish fool boy!_

She could hear the Dib calling her name, could hear the desperation in his voice, but Zim wouldn't be deceived by him again! She wouldn't be deceived by that traitorous emotion that had made her vulnerable to the human in the first place! She was an invader!

It was time she started acting like one again.

(End chapter 12!)

OO: I got myself excited too when I wrote the last part, but THIS chapter is my FAVORITE by far! Hope you likes it too!

All Apologies: I was gonna just make Dib's POV one chapter, and Zim's POV another chapter, but thought people might get confused...hope the suspence hasn't killed you yet, and also that you liked this one!

night-emerald: I changed-ed the 'he was almost' part, like you asked me to! It reads A LOT better! Thankies!

Accountless: I sent you an e-mail, butnever got a response, so maybe you missed out on my explanation...I basically said that the girls didn't neccessarily accept the fact that Zim was an alien, as much as they just ACTED like they did, asleverage with Dib, to make him more co-operative!

Dreamer16: Glad you likes my babeh!

SingerOfDoom: Thanks for the encouragement! Hope you liked this chapter too!

deadcat323: Thankies!


	13. Time to Start Repairs

Chapter 13: Time to Start Repairs

Zim ran all the way back to her base. Where else would she go? Spending so much time with the humans must've made her weak, if she'd actually let her base get taken over by them in the first place. She'd been prepared for this, however, as experience had shown time and again that overconfidence was often the cause of her frequent failures. And where was GIR? Stupid robot was probably cavorting around in some filth or other. Disgusting thing. But at least it didn't go around plotting behind her back...

_There_!

Zim spotted her yard. It looked like...well, like it had been hit by a multitude of explosives, which of course it had. The tree on her steps had been reduced to ash, and balloon fish were gone; perhaps blown away and decorating the roof of someone else's house across town.

The gnomes, miraculously, were still intact, if not missing an eye or a hat or a piece of beard.

Picking up a good sized rock (or it could've been a chunk of sidewalk, it was hard to tell), she took careful aim at her doorbell and pitched.

And missed.

Cursing under her breath, she picked up another rock and chucked that as well.

It took seven tries, but she finally managed to hit the doorbell squarely. As a product of this, the cliché 'trap-door-under-the-welcome-mat' opened up, and would stay open for another 7.4 seconds.

Taking a running start, Zim sped past her former security system, the gnomes  
having already activated the second her foot fell on the weight sensors buried under the soil.

She felt lasers burn across her back and ankles, but ignored them and leapt feet first into the trap door's entrance, with only milliseconds to spare.

It was not as pleasant a ride from ground floor to the dungeon as it would have been in the elevator, but the comfort of prisoners had never been input into the design.

Zim landed in a random, empty specimen tube, the dungeon outside of it tinted a sickly lime green by the glass.

Bringing out only two of her spider legs this time, she cut a rectangle to her size and, using those same legs, brought the cut glass inside the tube and set it aside.

She stepped out quietly, though there really wasn't a need to. She'd never installed any security in the dungeon. Why should she? Intruders were -supposed- to end up there.

There was a handprint scanning panel on the far wall used to open the main door, but there was no reason to believe it would work for her now. Who knew how much hacking and rewiring those human girls had done?

_Besides_, she thought, sidling up alongside the wall next to it, _if my DNA coding and voice recognition were the only things changed, the door should be opening of its own accord any_-

(swish)

The service bot rolled in and, ignoring Zim, went directly to the pod she'd been deposited in. It pressed a preprogrammed sequence of buttons next to the tube that would analyze the prisoner, and it would later report its findings in the computer, who would then inform Zim (when she'd been in charge).

She ran into the hallway, the many twists, turns and forks in the road, enough to resemble an ant colony and confuse any human, perfectly clear and mapped out in her head. So it was that she purposely went into the dead end, the one with the large, and glowing 'Exit' sign meant to mislead stupid humans that somehow managed to escape the dungeon to their doom!

Zim opened the door to reveal the 'dragon' behind it, a mechanical creature of her own creation that, instead of spouting fire, released a specially formulated acid chemical that was as harmful to humans as water was to Irkens and vice versa.

"Intruder Alert!" the dragon said, and then blasted Zim squarely, the force of it nearly knocking her over.

When it had emptied its belly on her, the dragon stated boredly, "Intruder Vanquished," and the door closed.

Zim wiped the stuff out of her eyes and proceeded to wait. The rest of the security system had been alerted to an intruder and been succinctly informed of its demise. The 'dragon' was an old design, and had incapacitated a few humans in its time, and knew that it had caught this one well and thoroughly. It had been a bit puzzled that she didn't scream when it burned her, and that she hadn't fallen down writhing to the floor; but that didn't matter. A clean-up bot would be along shortly to deal with her now. She'd be no further trouble.

When the bot came, it was carrying a little trashcan, into which Zim was unceremoniously deposited. She growled indignantly, but the bot ignored her, and then carried its burden to the lab to leave it on the examination table for inspection later.

After it left, Zim made haste to the main computer, quickly prying open a patch on the panel and feeding a line from her PAK directly into the system.

Taking a deep breath, she relaxed and closed her eyes, letting consciousness slip from reality and into the digital world within her computer. Almost as soon as she did, she winced. The damage was extensive. There were dozens of newly erected firewalls surrounding a 'virus nest', while the spawned viruses themselves were hungrily devouring everything else, and then there were-

ZZZZZTTT!

"AAAAARGH!" An electrical charge from the system made a direct hit to her PAK and, had they not been built insulated to begin with, could very well have been fatal. As it was, the force of it was still enough to blast her body across the room, making her lose the connection and slamming her hard against the wall.

Booby traps!

Zim stood up, rubbing her sore head and, grabbing a fistful of fried wig, yanked it off. The information had come a little late, but she'd seen where the core of the disturbance was located. She'd also seen what she was going to have to do to get to it.

Resolutely, she marched back to the open panel and plugged herself back in, more cautious and alert this time.

Digging deep into her PAK's back-up files, she pulled out an anti-virus program she'd written long before. It should be enough to handle any inferior human meddling!

Zim carefully chose her battleground, planting the program into its center, and input the activation code.

And as the program began to spread, the viruses changed their focus from random to targets to this new threat and began to attack.

She left the two to their own devices and made her own attack on the first firewall, swiftly bringing that one down as well as the one after it and each one after that, bringing her closer and closer to her goal.

And then she was there. Like ants coming out of an ant-hill, their numbers seemed endless, the newborn viruses emerging fully matured and with an insatiable appetite.

Zim stomped the entrance flat.

Oh, that wasn't enough to kill the source, but it would delay their production. By the time the little buggers managed to emerge again, her program's poison would have seeped so far into the system that they would emerge dead and harmless, the source collapsing soon after.

Zim came back into herself and unplugged her feed, smiling tiredly at her ingenuity. That was almost _too_ easy...

(click)

"What the-?"

Upon opening her eyes, she turned around, her eyes widening as the battering ram booby trap sprung and swing towards her. There was no time to react, no time to get out of the way, only to stare dumbly at her approaching doom.

The impact didn't hit her front, as she'd been expecting, however. It came from her side, as another body tackled hers to the ground and out of harms way, just in time to hear the shattering crash of the ram connecting with its new target, the terminal.

The owner of the body gazed worriedly down at her, "You okay?"

Zim blinked at him. Once. Twice. "Dib?"

"Yeah," he smiled, "I thought you'd come back here. I think I arrived a little after you did. You were already hooked up to the computer doing whatever, so I just hung back and watched you. You were in there for so long though, I was starting to lose my nerve; but then I heard that 'click' and saw the ram and..." Dib shrugged, "I just reacted."

"Whatever," said Zim, fighting the urge to hug the boy and hating herself for it, "Come to turn me in, human?"

"No," Dib lost his smile, "Zim, I...I didn't plan on-"

"Getting betrayed? I know," she shoved him off and stood up, averting her eyes from his gaze, "It happens."

"It's not like that!" Dib scrambled to stand also, "Okay, maybe it was at first, but that was before-"

"I'm not interested in your excuses!" Zim said, her voice then becoming cold and impersonal, like a machine, "The computer is infected with viruses. I managed to take out the main nest, but it will take several weeks to find and remove them all; too long to find a new partner to reprogram, so the plan has not changed...You will pick me up tomorrow after school at 8:30pm sharp. If you are not here by 8:31, I will hunt you down and drag you to the dance by your tongue."

She turned her back on him, walking to stand before her ruined terminal, "Now, please leave. I have much to do and have no use for your distractions."

Dib instead walked to stand behind her, wanting more than anything to put his arms around the alien and yet knowing that that would be a very bad idea at this point, "I'll leave," he said, "But hear me out first."

When Zim did nothing to speed his departure, he continued, "I know this looks really bad for me right now, but I want you to know I'm on your side for this one. Whether or not you believe me, it's the truth and I...just thought I'd...say it..." his voice trailed off.

She wanted to believe him. Oh, _Tallest_ she wanted to believe his filthy lies! She swallowed the forming knot in her throat, "Is that all?"

Dib nodded, then remembering Zim wasn't looking at him, opened his mouth to answer,

"I love you."

Zim's antennae twitched.

Dib stood, shocked at his own words. That hadn't been what he was going to say...The 'yes' that had started in his voice box seemed to have mutated and taken a life of its own, becoming something else entirely when it arrived at his tongue. But it was too late to take it back now.

Zim was quiet for a few seconds, and then asked him, "Enough to forsake your planet?"

Dib remained silent.

"...Then why did you bother saying it?"

More silence.

Zim clenched her fists and held them tightly to her sides, trying to keep them from shaking, "Get out of my base, _human_."

For a few more seconds nothing happened. Zim was just about to grab and toss the boy out herself when she heard the clicking of his boots heading away from her, listening to them until the sound died away completely. Once they did, she brought a hand to her chest, waiting for the thing squeezing her heart to loosen its grip. When the pain became tolerable, she shifted her focus to the computer.

It was time to start repairs.

(End Chapter 13!)

Bleah! I think I tried too hard to make things interesting with this chapter...Chapter 12 was the upmost peak, the crowning glory of my fanfic writing abilities, and it's gonna go downhill from there. I'm sorry! Just bear with me till we get to the point when they announce the winner of the Dance Queen and King! I swear it gets better!

Anime Obsessor YR: I'm thinking 'YE!' is a good thing, right?

The One What Squeaks: Yay for the last chapter! Polite applause for this one. Cookies for everybody!

All Apologies: Here is the 'more' you were waiting for! Please forgive the low quality, but I promise better in the future!

SingerOfDoom: Yes, you had to wait long for the next chappy, and wait again for still the next! I've been lazy filling in the plot holes of new chapters, but I'm working on it!

Capra hircus: Ahh, I love reading long and detailed reviews such as the one you posted! I hope you can shed some insight into this chapter as well, and let me know what I might do better in the future!

Dark Happi Buniy: Well I thank you for reviewing this time!

deadcat323: Once a month...I SHOULD UPDATE ONCE A MONTH! I used to update once a week, but have settled for the happy medium of every 1/2 month, or 2 weeks...meh!

DibMagician: I thank thee for they praise! Thankies!


	14. Further Delusions

Chapter 14: Further Delusions

Black Braids clicked off her mini tape recorder. She would play back the entire conversation for her commander afterwards.

Just as she was about to leave, she heard Zim sigh and turned back around, instantly clicking the recorder back to life. Sighs were often followed by laments and those usually contained pertinent information.

"Stupid Dib!" said Zim, pulling out and fiddling with the wires in the control panel, "Throwing careless words around like that! Did that stinking human think I, Invader _Zim,_ would just melt into a melty puddle of gratitude? HA! Ha-ha! Hahahahahah!"

She slammed her fists down hard on the panel at the end of her laughter, and stayed quietly motionless for a time.

"...I wonder if he'd still have said it if he'd known...if he'd known the truth about me...that I'm..."

BB scooted further up her ledge, holding her recorder slightly ahead of her, not wanting to miss anything the alien might say under her breath.

Zim slammed her fists down again, "It wouldn't have mattered if he did anyway! The results would be the same! It's not like emotions are magic lamps that can fix everything and give everyone what they want!"

She started yanking at the wires again, with a bit more force than was necessary, but said nothing more.

BB frowned. She'd been so close...

Zim suddenly abandoned her work, opting instead to rub at her aching temples, "No," she sighed again, "It wouldn't have made a difference whether he knew I was really male or not..."

Just then, something dropped in through the elevator.

"GIR!" cried Zim, "Where have you been!"

The android still in costume smiled, "Stuffing burritos down my pants!"

Zim shifted her eyes to the lumpy brown goo oozing down his pant legs.

"...Whatever. Go clean yourself up and then come back here and help me with this mess!"

"Okie!"

BB turned off her recorder and left, assured she had all the blackmail material needed. As Zim had said, whether or not Dib knew the alien's true gender did not matter to the final outcome. However, it would matter _quite a bit_ to the voting parties at the dance tomorrow night...

(page break)

Zim stifled a yawn, and tried to bring the words on the chalkboard into focus. She wasn't doing a very good job of it.

A yawn escaped her lips then, but she didn't care. GIR had been more hindrance than help that night, but at least she'd been able to get rid of the nauseating bean smell.

Out of habit she looked over at Dib. It didn't seem as if he'd gotten much sleep either. The human's huge head was nodding as if his neck was no longer strong enough to hold its enormous burden and his eyes kept fluttering shut.

(bonk)

Dib startled awake and looked dazedly about himself, eventually finding the eraser that had assaulted his temples.

He automatically looked at Zim, who had her head lain down on her desk in feigned sleep and facing away from him to hide her smile. It was so easy to fall back on old habits. Then she remembered she was mad at him and the smile fell into a frown.

(bonk)

Zim felt the eraser bounce off her own head and watched it roll on the floor out of the corner of her eye. It wasn't the one she had thrown. It was Dib's. His name was penned across the flat, pink surface. She left it there.

Eventually the bell rang and Zim stood to leave, when she felt Dib's hand closed over her own. She didn't pull away, but neither did she look at him. "I have nothing to say to you, _human_"

Dib squeezed her hand, "But you can still throw things at me, right?"

Zim glared at her desk, "Force of habit. It meant nothing."

"Hey!" said their teacher, "Zim! Dib! Class is over! Continue your conversation outside!"

They left, but didn't talk anymore. Dib hadn't let go of her hand, and Zim didn't ask him to. The plan hadn't changed. The deception of affection would remain in place. She couldn't let people make assumptions that they'd broken up and that Dib was up for grabs.

The rest of the school day they spent together but in silence, speaking to each other only when deemed necessary.

Afterwards, when Dib had walked Zim across no-man's-land to her door, he turned and started off for his own home, "See you tonight, Zim." unknowingly dragging the Irken behind him.

Zim dug in her heels and pulled Dib to an abrupt stop. He looked back over to her. Zim sneered, "Release me, -human-!"

Dib looked down at their hands, "I did..."

Zim looked down as well, realizing he was right, and let go of her grip on him. She then turned and stomped up the stairs, slamming what was left of the door behind her.

GIR was instantly in her face, waving an envelope between them and chiming "You've got mail!" over and over until she took it from him.

"It's probably just junk mail!" she hissed, stalking over to the waste disposal unit.

GIR magically appeared on top of it before she got there. "Mail lady said 'Make sure your master gets this'" he said, his head bobbing as he spoke, "and then piggy and me had a tea party with the lamp, and we ate the mushrooms growing on the fuzzy orange stuff behind the refrigerator and got all sick and stuff! (hic!)"

While GIR was never very adept at taking messages, Zim felt inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt this time. She looked at the envelope. It was blank, with no stamp or return address, but she knew who it was from. Tearing it open, she found inside a slim piece of paper with a phone number on it.

She dug out her old phone from her storage closet, plugged it up, and dialed.

"Hello, Zim," said the sarcastically friendly voice of Shirley Sunshine, "Don't bother saying anything. This is just a recording. And don't worry, I promise this is the last time we'll be bothering you. Just thought I'd let you know we're offering you one last chance to take advantage of our offer!" The recording giggled, "Recognize this?"

At first all Zim heard was static, but then, "...I wonder if he'd still have said it if he'd known..."

It was her own voice! She knew what came next. Zim controlled her urge to start screaming and cursing into the mouthpiece. The answering machine probably wouldn't be intimidated anyway.

"Hmhm, I think you do." the human's voice continued, "Anyway, I've already gone ahead and made several copies and have them spread out throughout town, so unless you follow my instructions carefully..." she let the threat hang in the air, "Why don't we talk this over a cup of coffee, hm? Go to the Star Chunks on Maple and tell the server you want a decaf espresso. -click- To listen this recording again, press one. To end this call, please hang-"

Zim slammed the phone down on the receiver and fumed. Another trap! But what choice did she have?

(Page break)

Shirley sipped her vanilla and caramel cappuccino and flipped to the next page of the book she was reading. It was lucky a friend of her father's cousin knew the brother of the Coffee Shop manager's fiancée. Her girls were seated nonchalantly around the small table, each enjoying their own drinks as they waited for their guest to show...

A strange knock at the door alerted them to her arrival. Two fast beats, a pause, one beat, another pause and 3 beats.

While Shirley bookmarked her place, Red Curls went to open the door where she and Zim glared at each other for a few hostile seconds, before RC recovered her bearings and stood to the side, allowing the cross-dressing alien entry.

Shirley smiled at Zim and nodded her head an empty chair at the table, "Have a seat."

Zim stopped a few steps across from the chair and crossed her arms, "I'd rather stand."

"Suit yourself,"

A square of metal bars suddenly sprung up and around Zim, the ceiling of the cage landing with a loud clang.

"But, you're going to be here for a while," Shirley continued conversationally, removing her hand from the button under the table, "So; you might want to make yourself more comfortable."

Oddly, Zim didn't act surprised. Perhaps she'd been expecting this...but it didn't matter. -This- cage wasn't titanium, but it was charged with non-lethal, yet intensely painful currents of electricity. Zim must have expected that too, or at least suspected, because she made no move to touch the bars...in fact, she'd been careful to avoid coming into contact with anything at all...

Zim continued to stand. She looked bored, "Can we get on with this, please?"

Dismissing this fact, due to her being already confined, Shirley had Black Braids produce a mini tape recorder. "I assume you know what this is?"

Zim nodded, a glint of eagerness showing through her 'boredom'

"Good, because I'm taking it to the dance with me tonight..._All _of us are," On cue, the other girls each produced their own mini recorders, "You'll be spending the night _here_ of course," She continued, "but, in case you're thinking of enlisting outside help, this is a little incentive to encourage that you _don't_."

Shirley flashed another smile, "Don't worry, though. You'll be set free tomorrow morning, and can go about your business as usual...you can even have your little boyfriend back, if you want him. He'll be of no use to me after this."

Zim glowered, "And what guarantee do I have that you won't change your mind and decide just to keep me locked in here, permanently?"

"None whatsoever. But who knows? Maybe a prince in cheap tuxedo will come to your rescue!"

Zim lowered her gaze to the ground, "I see. This has all been very clever...for a human." She then lifted it back up, a sinister grin playing with her mouth, "But it is _nothing_ compared to my blinding brilliance!"

Zim then began to glow, as if with an inner light.

"What the-?"

Too late, the girls weren't able to look away in time, and were subsequently blinded when Zim burst with light, as if her entire body were a giant camera flashbulb.

Sent into panic by the temporary blindness, Shirley didn't notice the energy ropes binding her and her minions until she felt her middle being squeezed and her back pressed at an angle to 3 other backs.

When her sight returned, Shirley noticed what looked like an obsidian cut tea-cup, upside-down with the top replaced with clear glass, walking around on little skittish legs. It looked like a little beetle.

The beetle seemed to flicker as a startlingly life-like hologram of Zim took its place.

"It would seem _you_ will be the ones refraining from attending the social human event this evening," the hologram said, "I will deal with you later. I would ask you to try not to make too much noise as it might bother the customers, yet I noticed that this room seems to be surprisingly sound-proof..." The hologram grinned and flickered again, this time taking on the form of Miss Sunshine herself.

"I hope none of you have to urinate or anything like that," the holo-Shirley said in the real-Shirley's voice, "And if you do, well, I hope you can hold it for a few hours..."

None of them said anything. Shirley's minions kept their silence because their heads had knocked into each other during the binding and were unconscious. Shirley wore an unreadable expression. She could've been angry, shocked, or maybe she realized she had to pee...it was hard to tell.

The hologram turned and walked to the door, then shut down while the beetle crawled up to the doorknob and opened it. The holo-Shirley reappeared even before the beetle jumped and hit the ground, using her 'foot' to close the door behind her. As she exited the shop, the manager gave 'Shirley' a questioning glance. 'Shirley' nodded and smiled, "Would you please make sure nobody goes back there until tomorrow? We had a little accident..."

The manager nodded, and left. Zim heard a distinct click, and when he returned, the manager jangled the keys to the lock in the air to her.

'Shirley' shook her head. "Hold on to them for me. I'll come get them tomorrow."

He nodded again, and returned to do whatever it is managers do in their offices.

'Shirley' stopped in front of the shop's double doors and made a small clearing of her throat. Immediately someone stepped up to open the door for her, and she winked at him, making the poor boy swoon and faint.

Once the holo Shirley reached a deserted alleyway, it turned to go inside and shed its disguise, activating the auto-homing device.

Back at her base, Zim switched off her holo-transmitter and stretched out her back, yawned, and swiveled her chair, jumping out and walking to her closet to pick out her outfit for her date tonight.

(End Chapter 14)

Capra hircus: And this is where Zim's cunning gloriness ends! I plan to have him make a fool of himself in coming chapters for no reason other than my own amusement! Hope you enjoy that part too!

DibMagician: Once a month was only if I didn't have the entire story written out yet. I am proud to say I have officially completed my 17 chapter ZADR! So every half month!

All Apologies: Zim thanks thee, human stink-beast, for appreciating this authors' greatness!

Anime Obsessor YR: Hooray for random noises! Woot!

blu sanada: Even though you probably haven't made it this far, thanks for reading!


	15. Have You Tried The Pinta Coowhatsis?

Chapter 15: Have you tried the Pinta Coowhatsis?

Dib, meanwhile, had navigated his way through the empty, if cluttered with wreckage, streets. Upon entering his house he went straight to his room and crashed onto his bed. He was feeling very tired for some reason. Later he woke up to the sound of his alarm going off. It sounded like it had been going off a while now. He groaned and rolled over, blinking groggily at the red numbers.

8:21

Instantly alert, he attacked his closet, sending dozens of identical blue shirts with grey faces and black trenchcoats flying. _Where was it?_

_Aha!_ Dib pulled out the wrinkled black tuxedo his father had bought for him recently when he'd wanted him and his sister to accompany him to another Nobel Peace Prize party in his honor. He'd aslo gotten Gaz a frilly pink dress. The dress had mysteriously disappeared before the party even started and, later, Dib had found curious rose colored confetti in their dumpster.

He grabbed a spray can of wrinkle remover and emptied it on the tux, then almost strangled himself trying to change out of his old clothes while putting on new ones at the same time.

_Ding-Dong-_

Hopping down the stairs while trying to shove one of his legs into his pants, Dib almost made it to the door before one foot tripped the other, and he fell gracelessly on his face.

The doorbell rang again, and Gaz came out of her room, stepping on her brother's back and head on her way down, muttering, "Idiot!" and answered the door.

"Limo-Service" said an old British-looking man whose name could only be 'Jeeves.'

"Eh?" Dib looked at him confusedly from his awkward position on the stairs, "I didn't order a limo..."

"Duh!" Gaz said, "_I_ did!"

Dib stared slack-jawed at his sister. "_You're_ going to the dance!"

"I ordered it for _you_, Genius!"

Dib blinked, "Wow..." Several times. Something thoughtful from his sister? "Gaz...I don't know what to say."

Gaz snorted, "How about, _Thank you_? Geez, you're so pathetic! Here you are, the oldest child, and I still have to baby-sit you! Now hurry up! You're being charged by the hour!"

Dib pushed himself up and dusted his newly wrinkled tux, then his head snapped back up, "Wait a second! _I'm_ getting charged!"

Gaz opened an admonishing eye.

Dib wisely kept his mouth shut.

It turned out the limo driver's name was Henry, but said everyone called him Jeeves, and would his passenger please be so kind as to lie down so that his abnormally large head wouldn't block his rearview mirror?

Dib grumbled, but did as he was bid, his new vantage point letting him get a glimpse of the Playboy magazines stashed under the driver's seat.

Before he could work up the nerve to sneak a peek, the limousine violently braked, causing him to leave an imprint of his face on the back of the passenger's seat.

"We have arrived at the Weird Green House with Freakish Lawn Gnomes, sir!" Henry informed him, as per Gaz's description where to pick up Dib's date.

The passenger door opened of own accord, and Dib's head flopped out, allowing him the upside-down view of a pissed off Zim with her arms crossed and her foot tapping in a red and black flower embroidered layer gown, the skirt layers lined with black sequins. She looked beautiful. Dib told her as much.

She stopped looking angry long enough to cock an eye at Dib, then walked forward and shoved his head back inside, taking her seat simultaneously as she did so.

As Dib sat up, the driver again asked him to lie down, meaning he'd have to rest his head in Zim's lap. Zim was ready to loudly protest this action, but when explained, she could not fault the driver's logic and so resigned her lap for the time being.

The cold silence took much of the pleasure from the situation, but not all of it. Dib just couldn't help enjoying the silky softness of his new head-cushion and wishing the school were a thousand miles away.

All too soon the ride was over. Dropping the pair off at the gym's entrance, Henry drove off into the maze that was the parking lot.

The gym was gaudily decorated with shininess, everything from disco balls and strobe lights to glittery balloons and confetti. There wasn't any music playing yet, but the room was filled with the voices of hundreds of students talking. Dib wasn't in the mood to mingle with the crowd, but then he noticed Torque Smacky with his boys at one of the tables smile at him and wave him over.

He glanced at Zim, "Er-"

But she was already gone, heading toward a group of females gathered near the refreshment stand.

Torque gave him a hardy slap on the back in greeting, and though it left Dib wondering if his shoulder was merely dislocated or broken, he managed not to fall on his face.

"Hey there, stranger! Too busy spending 'quality' time with your girl to hang out with us, huh? You know you still owe us that story..."

Dib popped his arm back into its socket as he sat down. Not broken then. "Uh, yeah, I guess I do, huh?...Oh, hey, before I get into it, who are you guys out here with?"

Torque shrugged, "Nobody. We're just here for the free food." As if to prove his point, he grabbed a handful of nachos on the plate in front of him and stuffed them in his mouth, chewing noisily. "This party's boring, though."

Dib smiled nervously, making sure he addressed the whole table, "Yeah, well, the dance hasn't really started yet. Maybe when they play the music and people start dancing it'll get better.

The boy sitting to his left snort-laughed, and the rest of them just grinned mischievously, "Yeah," he said, "It'll be great!"

Dib raised a curious eyebrow at them, but they just continued to smile at him. He looked instead to Torque, "What-"

"Here!" Smacky shoved a cup of something in front of him, "Why don't you have a drink, Dib"

Dib stared suspiciously at the yellow liquid, but not wanting to offend, went ahead and gave it a careful sip. Pina Colada. With a hint of something else...

"It's good," he said, "but has a funny aftertaste."

Torque smiled wider, "That would be the 90 proof."

It took a minute for Dib to digest the information. When it hit him he almost choked, "You SPIKED the Pina Colada?"

"Keep your voice down!" one of the others hissed, "But, yeah. Got it from my Dad's cabinet. He won't miss it."

Dib debated with his conscience whether or not he should do something about the situation, when the guy right in front of him leaned forward and said, "Hey, Dib, isn't that your date standing on the table over there?"

He hadn't heard Zim's voice over the general buzz of all the others, but now that he turned and locked his horrified focus on her, he could make some words out.

"...stink-monkies!..._my_ victory...am ZIM!"

"ZIM!" Dib echoed, as he shot out of his seat and pushed through the crowd that had gathered around her.

Zim turned her head wobbly at the sound of her name, holding a cup in the hand she wasn't waving around and dramatically gesturing with.

"Aha!" she cried, "DIB! Dib can tell you!" she said to the crowd, and then back to him, "Tell them!"

The crowd suddenly parted and left Dib standing alone and confused at its center, "Um...what?"

Zim gave him an exasperated look, "Tell them they have no chance of winning this dance! You were there! I programmed you! They should all just surrender now and save themselves the humiliation at our feet! BWAHAHAHA!"

The force of her laughter caused Zim to teeter off-balance and Dib cut his way through the crowd once again, just in time to catch her as she fell. She smiled up at him and brought the cup she was holding up to his face.

"Have you tried the Pinta Coowhatsis? It's very good!" Zim downed the drink in one shot and looked over to the nearby punch bowl, "I think I'll have another."

"I think you've had enough," Dib hefted her weight and turned an apologetic gaze to the others, "Sorry. She's just a little overexcited...Excuse us-"

As they started to leave, Zim looked over Dib's shoulder at her former audience, "You're all going to be my slaves, you know!"

Dib grit his teeth, "Shut it, Zim!" he whispered fiercely.

Zim glared drunkenly, "You _dare_ tell **Zim** to _shut_ her 'it'?"

Snickering to his left distracted Dib's attention for a second. He turned to look at Torque's table as they passed by it. Smacky's lackeys smiled and started laughing louder when he did, but their leader just shrugged at him, although he was wearing a pretty big grin himself.

Dib growled but kept going.

Zim started squirming. "Unhand me, _human_! Where are you taking me? Zim demands you release me this instant!"

Dib hefted her again, "We're just going outside for a little fresh air...and stop squirming or I'll drop you!"

Zim would have continued to struggle anyway, but once outside the sudden drop in temperature made her curl up against him.

"Augh! It's _cold_, worm-beast!" she whined.

"You'll live." said Dib, as he sat Zim down on a nearby bench and took a seat next to her. They were close enough to the gym so they could hear when the music started, but not so much that the people inside could just look out and see them.

Zim wrapped her arms around herself and shivered, "I want to go back inside!"

As soon as she stood up she began to falter. Dib stood as well, holding her steady.

Zim leaned her weight into him. "I don't feel so good..."

"Then sit down." said Dib as he made her do just that.

"But-"

Before she could finish, Dib's tuxedo coat was off and draped around her shoulders.

Zim blinked once. She looked up at the boy incredulously.

Dib crossed his arms and held them close to his body. "Any other complaints?"

Zim blinked at him again. Then she frowned and looked away. "Stinky meat worm!" she hissed, "What do you care? Only want to hurt Zim! You and your topsy tables and traitorness! Not love!" her head hung down to stare into her lap, "Said you loved me! Filthy lies! Lies through your huge head! Cute, though. Wish you loved me-"

She began to cry.

Dib was at a loss. He'd made Zim cry again. He sat down next to her and gingerly put a hand to her shoulder. "Zim...Zim I-sorry." he hung his own head, "I'm sorry, Zim"

Zim buried her tear streaked face in his shoulder, throwing her arms around the boy's neck and hugging him tightly. Dib awkwardly put his other arm round her waist and waited for her to cry herself out. When she finally did his shoulder was sopping wet and he wondered what kind of chemicals were in Irken tears that didn't burn her.

Zim shifted her head to the dryer territory of Dib's chest and sighed, "I'm tired, Dib-human."

She looked it, too. "Take a nap. I'll wake you up when the music starts."

Zim nodded and closed her eyes, immediately falling asleep, her breaths becoming slow, soft and even.

Dib watched her for a while then raised his head to the sky, as he often did when life troubled him. There were a few stars out tonight, but even those failed to have their usual soothing effect on him. It suddenly occurred to Dib to wonder why he hadn't seen Shirley or the others around. Maybe they'd decided to come fashionably late? Did Zim have something to do with it? Now really wasn't the time to ask, given her current state. Would the alcohol affect her dance programming? If it did, would that be a good thing? If they lost, it would just be one more failed Take-Over-The-World plot of the invader's to add to her list. Maybe he should just let her sleep through it. Maybe he should turn her in as she was to the government and end it already. But was that still even an option after all they'd been though? Maybe he should...

Dib sighed and rubbed his temples, deciding he'd let his eyes and mind rest. Just for a minute.

He was tired too.

(End Chapter 15)

Invader Zae: Yes, he did!...for_ NOW_(mwaahaha)

Capra hircus: Am wanting of 'GO ZIM!' flags! Where can I get such marvelous things?

Tapangwa: Have updated! Now you must review! Yesh!

SingerOfDoom: Do not feel 'nobodyish'! Fics with more chapters get more reviews! Tis the circle of life and whatnot!

Dark HAppi Buniy: And I love your reviewingness, yet again! Thankyou!

Anime Obsessor YR: Zim is not _stupid! _He's **_advanced_**

InsaneKiwi: The trustingness is up to Dib! Will he be worthy of Zim's trust?

Hamato Kameko: Wow! All in ONE reading? You flatter me! (becomes flattened by review, friend comes by and peels me off linoleum floor, shakes me whole and leave) Yes, well...thank you.


	16. The Last Dance

Disclaimer: Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough is by Patty Smyth

Chapter 16: The Last Dance

Dib woke up to the sound of an announcement. He didn't remember falling asleep but obviously he had. He became instantly alert, his eyes flashing open as he focused on the words floating towards him from the gym.

"-will now begin!"

He spun towards Zim and began shaking her, "ZIM! Zim, wake up! It's starting!"

The alien's forehead wrinkled in irritation, but her eyes remained closed. "Mmph! Sleepy..."

She burrowed her face into his shoulder.

From the gym came cheers and applause.

Dib again contemplated letting her sleep through it, but his sudden sense of urgency wouldn't let him. "Zim, if I let you sleep you won't be able to win the contest! Is that what you want?"

That got her attention. She shot up just as alertly as Dib had. "**_WHAT?_**"

He grabbed her hand and pulled her after him, "Come on!"

The dance floor was already crowded with couples and no one seemed to notice their sudden entrance. For a few panicked seconds, Dib forgot what he was supposed to do. Then he turned to Zim, composed himself and forced a smile. "Shall we dance?"

Zim, though still a bit tipsy, composed herself as well and nodded, "Let's!"

One minute they were smoldering eye to eye, the next they were up and spinning into a modified jitterbug, the rhythm of the music guiding their steps.

Zim slightly hitched up the hem of her dress so as not to tangle her feet, and the shimmering skirt swirled dramatically with every turn.  
Zim had on low quarters, but still managed to pull off some ballet-style twirls. Dib moved just as gracefully, both supporting and showcasing her. The other couples were turning their heads towards them, and they suddenly had a lot more room.

Dib felt the confidence and rhythm fill every inch of his body except his eyes. Those were still vulnerable to his whims and he kept bringing them back to Zim's face. It might have been the alcohol she'd had earlier, but her face was a bit flushed and then there were her eyes...they weren't accusing or angry, as they had been earlier, just-sad. Dib looked away, yet inexplicably he'd find himself staring into them again.

The song was over. Dib and Zim came off autopilot and took notice that they were the only ones left on the dance floor. The crowd around them clapped and cheered. Dib blushed and smiled awkwardly while Zim was just feeling the effects of a raging hang-over. She fell against Dib and the human guided her towards the chair of an empty table.

The DJ smiled and laughed into the microphone. "Well, I don't see the point in paper voting anymore, but we got all these scraps up here so come on up and write in the names of who you think deserves the title of Dance King and Queen!"

Zim groaned and laid her head on the table. "Ugh..."

Dib rubbed her back, and the pain subsided a little. "It's almost over."

"Isn't this a surprise?" said the DJ when all the votes were tallied, "The winners are Zim and Dib Membrane! Congrats you two! Come on up here!"

Dib guided Zim up the podium stairs and held her steady as they placed the tiara on her head, and crown upon his own, though his was a bit small...

More cheers from the crowd.

"Now!" the Dj said, as he shooed the winning couple off to the dance floor, "Time for the last dance! Let's let the new King and Queen start us off!"

(The tempo began)

Zim felt herself going tipsy again. She let herself fall against Dib and rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes in an attempt to get the room to stop spinning. Now her brain was swimming in its own juices and she felt like throwing up. Not good. Zim clutched at her partner and held in her stomach, trembling but not wanting to open her mouth and warn him for fear that she'd lose it if she did. Realizing something was wrong, Dib's hand began rubbing up and down her back. He rubbed until she stopped shaking.

(No, I don't want to lose you,  
but I don't want to use you,  
just to have somebody by my side.)

Again she wondered for the hundredth time if it wasn't too late to win him over. And again for the hundredth and first time she shot the idea down. He'd proven over and over where his true loyalties lied! There was no way she could ever trust him...

Zim glared at the boy.

The corners of Dib's mouth twitched. And then he smiled. A sad, yet affectionate smile.

She forgot to keep glaring.

...Or was there?

(And I don't want to hate you.  
I don't want to take you,  
but I don't want to be one to cry.)

Dib wondered for the umpteenth time if he'd made the right decision. Why should he continue protecting people who couldn't care less about him, if it cost him the one person who did? If you truly loved someone, would you really go around working against them behind their back, even if it was for what you thought to be a good cause? Would you really sacrifice your love for the good of others who had only caused you harm or who you will never meet? Love is supposed to be the strongest bond there is... Can one truly betray it if it is indeed there? Maybe he needed to rethink his personal definition of "love"...

(And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.  
But like a fool I keep losing my place  
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.)

Dib considered the alien in his arms for a moment. In the dimly lit gymnasium with squares of light from the disco balls flickering over her, she looked so surreal. Like a dream. And maybe this _was_ a dream. Maybe the REAL Zim had gotten him in his sleep and his real body was lying in a coma in a hospital somewhere and he'd hallucinated the entire week. He'd _have_ to have been hallucinating to seriously believe he and Zim could ever be anything but enemies. Logic wasn't a very effective medicine for the hurt inside him, though.

(There's a danger in loving somebody too much,  
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.  
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are...  
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough...)

Dib held her tighter, as if his hold on her were the only thing keeping her from vanishing into thin air, keeping her real, keeping him from waking up. In a way, this was true. The moment the dance was over and he let her go, the truce would end. She'd become his enemy again. The dream of them being together would end and he'd wake up to the harsh reality of being alone. All because they were both too stubborn, both expecting the other to give in, and disappointed when they didn't. It wasn't fair.

(No, I could never change you  
and I don't want to blame you.  
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.)

Why did it have to hurt so much? Zim wondered. Her head and her stomach churned horribly and she knew it wasn't just the drink. She didn't know if she wanted the dance to go on forever or have it end already. The strings tugging at her from her human and her empire at opposite ends of the spectrum were tearing her apart inside. If she didn't cut herself off from one or the other the force of them would kill her. Yet either path she chose, she'd be losing a part of herself in the process. Why couldn't Dib have been just another stupid moron like the rest of them? This was all _his_ fault! She'd offered him _everything_, and he turned it down. None of this would've happened if he wasn't so damn self sacrificing! If he wasn't so blinded by his skewered sense of duty! If he wasn't so...so...

Human.

(Yes, I may have hurt you,  
But I did not desert you.  
Maybe I just want to have it all...)

_"I love you."_

(It makes a sound like thunder-r-r!  
It makes me feel like the ra-a-ain!  
Like a fool, who will never see the truth,  
I keep thinking something's gonna change...)

Zim tilted her head and looked up at her partner. Even if she'd imagined the words, there was no mistaking the sorrow reflected in Dib's gaze. He _did_ love her, but not enough to change for her sake. They both needed recognition from their people, and the means to each goal clashed violently with the other. It was the same for her, she knew. Zim could never care for another, Dib's image would be constantly in her mind, but she wouldn't change either. As long as she lived, he'd be a rock in her heart.

They locked their gazes for a moment, each saying their silent good-byes and both feeling they were losing something treasured and beautiful that might've been theirs forever. Then they looked away.

(And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,  
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.  
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are...  
Baby, sometimes, love just aint-)

The music cut off.

All eyes turned to center stage. On it, Shirley Sunshine stood, smiling broadly, one hand on her hip, the other holding up a mini-tape recorder.

Zim had turned to look at her along with all the other attendees. She saw the recorder. She knew what it meant.

"Sorry I'm late," Shirley said into the microphone, "Something happened and I got tied up at the last minute." She glanced briefly at Zim as she said that last part, "Anyway, it's time for you to vote for the _real_ Dance Queen! _That_" she pointed at the Irken, "is an imposter! And _here_" she held out the recorder, "is the proof!"

She hit the 'play' button.

(End Chapter 16!)

InsaneKiwi: I always wanted to play with a drunken Zim! I think I could've done better though...meh!

Capra hircus:(waves 'GO ZIM!' flag)Found it in my refrigerator! Oo; Did you recognize anything in this chapter? You should! It sounded so much better than the internal dialogue I'd originally written up for him to say.

Sullen Goldpaws Extrordinaire: I found the 'Tell Zim to shut her it" quote as a signature at the bottom of someone's avatar on Deviantart. The person's sig also said they'd gotten it from a Role Playing game. I liked it so it's here now!

gimmesheeps: Man, did THIS guy ever walk into the wrong room!

DibMagician: I considered having them miss it, and Zim being too out of it to care, but I didn't know where to go with it, so they dance, win and cue the villain!

SingerOfDoom: Nope, not scared yet! I have a high level of immunity to spookayness!

Anukis-san: Hooray for Kudos! I'll just put it here on my shelf with all the others (puts Anukis-san's kudos next to Zim and Dib plushies I forced to sit in each other's laps-don't ask how I managed that, I just DID, okay?)

Halacanno: It rules with a well manicured fist it does! And why would sane people read this anyway? ZADR is WRONG and EVIL don'tcha know?

Anime Obsessor YR: How are you going to promise the same arm to two people? I have no intention of sharing with the DikolaiAri-beast! Just because YOU think she has no reason, doesn't mean SHE thinks she has no reason! Some people are insane! You never know who the weirdoes are! BEWARE! Beware for your life and limbs!

Wimmyfoo: The goodness seems to have come to an end! What fate should befall our cross-dressing hero? Or villain, depending on who you're rooting for.

'Invader' Kri: You're review was very thoughtful and random as well! Two chapters left to go! They are written! Hope you enjoy those too!


	17. Readers Review! The End is Near!

Chapter 17: Readers Review, The End is Near!

"I wonder if he'd still have said it if he'd known..." broadcasted Zim's voice into the microphone, "if he'd known the truth about me...that I'm..."

Dib went slack-jawed. _What the...?_

"It wouldn't have mattered if he did anyway! The results would be the same! It's not like emotions are magic lamps that can fix everything and give everyone what they want!"

There was a pause. Everyone remained silent as they listened, spell bound, to the static playing in the background.

"No," Zim's voice came again, "(sigh)...It wouldn't have made a difference whether he knew I was really male or not..."

Shirley cut the feed just as GIR was making his entrance, the click from the recorder's 'stop' button echoing impossibly long after it had any right to.

As a single entity, all eyes shifted from Shirley to the owner of the voice they'd just heard confessing. Dib's eyes were the widest of all, his mouth opening and closing in a ridiculous imitation of a fish.

Zim, for his part, never tore his eyes from Shirley. He pushed himself out of Dib's arms and staggered toward the smiling blond, taking only a couple of steps before his tipsyness caused him to stumble. Despite his mind still being in shock, Dib's body reacted and was at Zim's side in an instant, catching him before he hit the ground and holding him up by his sides.

Zim ignored him, still glaring toward center stage. He pointed a wavering claw at his tiara, "You want this?"

He jerked the circlet off and flung it at the girl's feet, a few fake diamonds popping out of place and bouncing off the floor, "Take it!"

The Irken then turned and flung his arms around the boy-holding-him-up's neck, "Just let me keep the Dib..."

Dib's arms automatically encircled Zim's waist and pressed him close without a second thought or even a first one. Even after he took notice of everyone staring at them, it didn't occur to him to let go.

The invader glared back at them, "Don't give me those looks! It's his loyalty to you that keeps him from me in the first place!" He swung his glare around the room, "You have no idea how much you owe him! No _friggen_ idea how hard he's fought or how much he's sacrificed to keep you all safe! But _I_ know! I know and it makes me **sick** to see him have to put up all your crap afterwards! You should be praising him! Building statues in his honor and calling him 'Hero'!"

Tears were streaming down his cheeks now, "I wish I respected you all enough to despise you, but you aren't worth it! You have chosen to reject your savior, and that is your choice! What will you do when the next foreign threat come along? One less easily tamed by filthy human emotions? You'll either be assimilated or die, and wish you'd listened to him before!" Zim turned, his eyes fixed pleadingly on the boy, "If **they** don't want you, let **me** have you! _I_ want you, Dib!"

He brought his face millimeters from Dib's own, his lips trembling slightly as he whispered his next words to him,

"I love you, too."

(End of horribly cruel, teaser chapter!)

Hee-hee, that last chapter made it look like a sad ending for our heroes didn't it? And now _this _chapter comes along and makes it look like they might still have a chance! It's all up to Dib now.

SingerOfDoom: The last chapter will be updated the 24th of June. Happy now? You have been given a glimpse of the future! Be happy, dang it!

chickens: Hehe, if you were mad last chapter, I bet you're tearing your hair out on this one, right? Ah, but my fun will soon come to an end, as will this fic, and so will your suffering. Rejoice!

Capra hircus: I think Zim's little rant here has pretty much nullified whatever chances they had of being re-elected. But who knows? Maybe there'll be some gay right's supporters among the crowd! Then Zim'll have to fight Shirley for the tiara again, since he threw it at her. In the fight his wig might come off! Or Shirley's clothes might get torn by Zim's claws! Or maybe Dib will step in and...do something! Which will it be? Stay tuned to find out!

DibMagician: Zim just gave up his crown. But can he still win? Can he still have the thing he covets most? But what is that? Or _who_!

Anukis-san: Very evil...I just LOVE suspense, don't you? No? Yeah, me neither...I can dish it out, but I can't take it. And dish it I will! Such a yummy dish it is!

Anime Obsessor YR: (hands back Becca's arm) You can have it back for now. I trust you. Besides, the pic won't come out as nice if you're only using one hand to draw it with! I demand QUALITY gosh darn it!

Dreamer16: Am happeh you enjoy it! One last helping of enjoyment coming up after this, so be ready for it!

Hamato Kameko: Actually, by the time you reviewed and the date I posted, you only had to wait 8 days instead of 2 weeks. And now another 2 week long wait is in progress! My cruelty knows no bounds! (insert thunderous creepy laughter)

'Invader' Kri: So true. So many fics these days are left alone and unfinished by their creators, abandoned and forgotten. I admit to being cruel, and evil, VERY evil, but not THAT evil! As I'm sure you've read by now, the smeets WILL go on! They will merely be going at a sluggishly sluggish pace. And the slug the fic rides on is lazy. He's lazy because he knows I can't carry out my threats of sending him to France in a bucket of salt if he doesn't hurry up, because then I'd have no one left to carry his burden. The BUM!

Mystery Reviewer: The fluff commands you! OBEY THE FLUFF! Hehe, yeah, a she-Zim is a novel idea to most people who read this. And I KNEW I got the idea of Shirleys groupies from an Anime, but didn't remember which. It was the ones from Fruit Basket! Yay! More is here! And one more to go! Thanks for the many MANY reviewingness!


	18. The End!

Chapter 18: The End!

Dib bit his lip, looking down at the male alien's flushed face, parted lips and tear streaked cheeks. His words echoed wildly around in the boy's head, breaking out the set of questions he'd thought he'd already answered himself previously, and knocking the answers loose so they didn't fit anymore.

The fact that Zim was male didn't surprise him as much as he thought it should. He'd known Zim as a male for most of his life, and the affection he felt...the 'love' he had for the invader of his heart remained unchanged, whether he was a she, a he or an it. Zim was still Zim.

Zim kissed him then, a deep, crushing, desperate kiss. Yet even then, Dib's mind insisted on being skeptical. Zim was still drunk. When he sobered up, he'd deny having said anything. He'd never forgive the human for letting him lose his crown. They'd go back to being enemies either way, leaving bittersweet memories of their truce to rot and fester in the middle of the fragile bridge of trust they'd built between them, a bridge that would be burned along with the memory's carcass. This is what his logical self told him, the one he'd always listened to, had come to depend on, most of his life. It was usually right, too.

He made his decision then.

Zim redoubled his efforts and tightened his grip, as if he sensed what the boy's answer would be and thought he could kiss him forever, in that way preventing the fate from happening.

Gently, but firmly, Dib took hold of Zim's shoulders and pushed him back. Realizing he couldn't hold back time, Zim stopped fighting and just stood there at Dib's arm's length, waiting.

"I love you too, Zim." he said softly. "And I want to be with you no matter what, but..."

The human gulped nervously, steeling his mind to see through the choice he was about to make, spoke:

"Can you forgive me for not knowing what that meant until now?"

Gasps were heard all around the room, but Dib ignored them, turning his attention to Shirley instead, one hand holding his bewildered alien close and the other reaching up to remove his own crown.

"You can have mine, too!"

He tossed it next to Zim's at the shocked girl's feet. He'd done entirely too much thinking with his brain, and not enough with his heart, that fact being the cause of his constant failures and misery. He'd saved the world enough times and given it plenty chances to save itself, but it always chose to stay happy in its ignorance. It was his turn to be happy now.

He smiled at the source of that happiness, "Let's get out of here."

"**_YES_**!" Zim leapt onto his waist and locked his legs behind Dib's back; cupping the human's cheeks, he proceeded to fervently plant little kisses all over his face.

Blinded as he was by this, Dib still managed to guide himself and his prize towards the exit.

Halfway there, Zim paused and looked over Dib's shoulder to center stage.

"HAHAHAHA! Victory for ZIM! Kiss my voluptuous, green ass, bitch! Woo!"

Dib grinned slyly as they exited the door, making a run for the limo and jumping in as soon as they left the building. "Home, Jeeves!"

"My name is HENRY, _sir_!" the irate driver said as he pulled out of the parking lot, "And need I remind you to please get your head _out_ of my rearview...? Er, thank you."

Zim was laid down atop the human boy, still focused on his attentions to Dib's face, both feeling too anxious to wait until they got back to his base.

They had some _next time_s to catch up on...

(End Dancing Queen!)

It's done! Finished! A happy, sappy ending, cause that's how I like 'em! Thanks to everybody who read this story and reviewed; and thanks to all my proof-readers for their help as well! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!

And now for the traditional individual thanks to those who reviewed last chappy!

thejennamonster: Yes, blame the booze and not my lack of creativity!Whee, I'm off thehook! (escapes before she changes her mind)

DibMagician: My job here is done! Yay! Did I do good? (eyes widen like a hungry child with no cookies)

Hamato Kameko: Too bad I can't continue the cruelty with vague references to a possible sequel...Meh, I still have my Smeets fic to work on! Huzzah!

SingerOfDoom: Yes, Dib does indeed rock! But so does Zim! I don't know...I love both! (huggles)

Capra hircus: Adorable loveness is GOOD though! Being insane with it is just an added bonus!

All Apologies: And now the end is definite, and there is no more to be waiting for! How can I continue to be evil if I have nothing to taunt people with? Meh!

Anukis-san: Happy 'E' dance is often confuzzled with the OMGTEHMADNESS! dance, so I can see why joor mum was worried. I was grinning madly myself at the end of this, and I hope you were too!

Momo-cha: Aww, feel the lurve! I've heard it said that love hurts, but I never thought it would feel like taking a hundred machine gun rounds in the chest...oh, well. (dies)

Tapangwa: Horray for huggles! GIMME!

Mystery Reviewer: Horray for random unhappy noises! Hopefully this inspired many more!

Ryu Forte: Whee! (huggles plushies) I'm gonna tie you two up nekkid to the end of mah bed! (is suddenly aware of Mom standing in doorway) ...I'M NORMAL!  
And I want fanart! You draw so pretty!

InsaneKiwi: Am still waiting on Zim wearing dress piccy! And I'm glad joo likes mah story! Hopes you like the ending too!

animeninjaNIPPON: Aww, thank ya! I love your Irken Catnip fic! But I don't think it classifies as 'Mature' as nothing was described in gory detail...DOWNGRADE IT TO 'T' OR SOMETHING SO I CAN ADD IT TO MY C2 ZADR LIST! The fans command you!


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